The Seven Checkpoints by Andy Stanley

Author:Andy Stanley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Howard Book

So Prove It

When I challenge students with this concept, they are usually quick to take offense. On the surface, it sounds like I am making them all out to be extremely insecure. So I ask them the following three questions:

1. Have you ever lied to keep from looking bad?

Sure they have. Why? Because they would rather lie than face the rejection of “friends.” As a follow-up question I ask, “How many of you believe it is wrong to lie?” They all raise their hands.

My point is that they have been willing to abandon a conviction for the sake of acceptance. They have been willing to lie to avoid rejection.

2. Have you ever stolen something you didn’t need because somebody you were with stole something?

Sheepishly, a few hands go up. Mostly guys. Then I ask, “How many of you believe stealing is wrong?” All the hands go up. Again, I have illustrated the incredible power of acceptance and the innate fear of rejection. To take one last dig, I will ask, “If you were making a list of things you want in a friend, how many of you would include ‘thief’?” No hands.

I know a girl who was suspended from high school for several days during her sophomore year for shoplifting alcohol from a grocery store. Get this: she did it while she was on a school field trip (not the sharpest tool in the shed). Later she admitted she didn’t even drink. She was doing it for her “friends.”

3. How many of you have friends who have self-destructive habits you have never said anything about?

Then I ask, “Why?” If you are really their friend, why don’t you confront them? Eventually they’ll admit they don’t want to make them mad or appear to be nosey. In other words, they are not willing to risk losing the friendship even if it means possibly saving the life of a friend.

The point of all this is to help students understand that they have surrounded themselves with people whose acceptance is more important than their own convictions, their own integrity, and even the welfare of the people they consider to be friends.

They didn’t choose these people as friends. They simply found an environment of acceptance.

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