The Secret GP by Dr Max Skittle

Author:Dr Max Skittle [Skittle, Max]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bonnier Books UK
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

JANUARY 2019

Tuesday, 1st January

You might expect life-changing decisions to come in some profound and technicolor way fit for Hollywood. This one didn’t. This one had a slow build-up over months of conversations between Alice and I. During walks in the park, while collectively bending over William’s changing mat, wiping shit off his flailing feet, while brushing our teeth before bed. You name the situation, and we were probably taking about it.

The scrap of paper which I wrote that list of push and pull factors for moving to the countryside back in early November last year, is now unbelievably well thumbed. And it’s led to now. To New Year’s Day, 2019. Where, somewhat unceremoniously, our final decision was made. In bed. With a cup of tea. Fighting last night’s New Year’s Eve hangover. And with a repeat of Countryfile on the TV. Given we’re on our seventh season of watching its re-runs, the signs were clearly there all along. We just didn’t see it. Or perhaps chose to ignore it. So yes, we’re going to do it. This is the year. This is the year that Alice, William, and I will be moving out of the city and heading off to have ourselves a countryside adventure.

I take another sip of tea. Here we go then . . .

Wednesday, 2nd January

First day back at work after nearly two weeks off. As expected, it’s a total, unrelenting, never-ending, stick-needles-in-my-eyes, fucking nightmare. Every single patient turning up has successfully managed to shatter into a thousand pieces, thanks to the perfect storm of too much booze and sugar, too much time with their family, and too much time sitting on their arses. Not to be a hypocrite, I do count myself in this demographic. Still, it’s an exciting day with Alice and I reaffirming our decision this morning over another cup of tea. We are really doing it. Neither of us bottling it (just yet). Pursuing a new life beyond this city. Beyond this surgery. Both total unknowns. A new adventure.

Friday, 4th January

End of the week and already the first complaint of the year. I’ve outdone myself, it being at least two weeks earlier than the year before. Mr Taylor was expecting a phone consultation with me about some ongoing knee pains. He has this knee pain (as I’ve explained many, many times) because he weighs 127kg, refuses to change his diet or engage in anything resembling physical activity, and so is slowly crushing his knee joints.

I called him three times. Twice more, I might add, than I’d usually try any patient. I put it down to the fact it was immediately post-lunch, and I must have been feeling energised and good-natured. Each time I called, it went to voicemail. Mr Taylor’s complaint was that I didn’t let the phone ring long enough. When I finally got through to the grumpy bugger, I asked him to explain to me how he’d like me to let it ring for longer – given that it’s set to go to voicemail after five rings.

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