The Secret by Bowrie Hollie

Author:Bowrie, Hollie [Bowrie, Hollie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: M/M Romance, Gay Romance
Publisher: FC
Published: 2013-11-26T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter Five

Decision time

Unnoticed by the little family now happily building a sandcastle together whilst they dry out in the heat of the sun’s rays, Cal has walked with me as far as the footpath which I will take back along the New Cut.

“Thank you, Susan,” he says quietly.

“What for?” I ask him, surprised that he should be thanking me at all, “Shouldn’t I be thanking you for rescuing me? Oh; and Mandy here of course,” I add with a smile, bending down to pat the dog who has once again lain at his feet.

He eyes me suspiciously, “You weren’t going to jump, were you?”

“Not from up there,” I promise him, “but as to jumping; I think I have to … for me.”

“Why is it so important to you?” he asks curiously.

It’s a good question and one to which I’m not sure that even I can supply the answer. It’s just something that I know I have to do.

“Perhaps it’s about honesty,” I say eventually.

He nods but remains silent.

“Why was it so important to you?” I ask.

“As you say; it’s about honesty,” he says, “but I think for me, it was more about me being able to be honest with myself. If I had to pretend to others then I could never really be me one hundred per cent of the time … I would never be whole. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” I say, “I understand perfectly. I want to know the whole person too … and without being able to do that I feel as though something is missing; almost as though I’m being denied a part of my own life,” I sigh, “It’s rather hard to explain, Cal … but it does matter. It shouldn’t matter of course; nobody should have to explain those things in which we have no choice … it’s rather like my preference for coffee over tea; I shouldn’t have to try to explain why I prefer one over the other. It’s not a conscious choice that I make … the matter is settled by my taste buds over which I have no control.”

He bites his lip at my analogy, “But you’d have drunk the tea; if I’d made it?”

“I confess that no, I wouldn’t,” I smile, “Tea really isn’t my preference and so I don’t touch it.” He merely smiles and I add a smile of my own, “I joined you today, Cal because you asked me to … and I thought you were in need of someone …”

“And there was I thinking that it was you who was in need!”

“I was,” I agree, “but I already had someone who was helping me through my angst …”

“Your friend in France?”

“Yes,” I say, “He understands; not from the same perspective perhaps … but he understands that my fears are just the same.”

“He’s gay?”

I nod, “I’m as afraid of rejection as you were … as my friend was.”

“I’m sure that won’t happen,” he says softly.

“I’m sure you’re right … but the fear is there just the same.”

“Why

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