The School-Savvy Therapist by Mary Eno

Author:Mary Eno
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780393711912
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
Published: 2019-08-05T00:00:00+00:00

Determine if the child should be present

A contribution of the Ackerman Institute’s work (as discussed in the Introduction) was to promote the inclusion of children in family–school meetings. With the child present, they argued, the conversation becomes more grounded and honest, since the principal subject is in the room speaking for himself or herself rather than being spoken for. Having the child present is an essential component of IEP meetings in public schools (see Chapter 12).

There are a number of ways that family–school meetings are enriched by the presence of the child. For one, when discussing different facets of the child’s life, the confusing “he said, she said” aspect of the conversation is minimized, since anyone can turn to the child and talk to them directly. Second, the adults may be less likely to become openly hostile with the child in the room. In my experience, people just tend to sit up a little taller when the child is present. Third, by speaking for himself or herself, the child’s ability to self-advocate is strengthened considerably, a lifelong skill that increases resiliency and self-esteem. Fourth, family ties can be enhanced as the parents help their child speak up, or witness their child speaking up independently. Fifth, the child is able to offer opinions or tweaks to the specific interventions that are suggested, thereby maximizing the potential for the child’s own engagement and follow-through. Sixth, the child often provides essential, sometimes surprising information about his or her experience at school that can open the family–school dialogue in new and important ways. Lastly, by being present, the child may develop greater trust in the people sitting around the table, strengthening the sense that everyone there belongs to the child’s team.

When deciding whether to include the child, first consider the child’s age and maturity level. The older the child, the more important it is for the child to be at the table, representing his or her point of view. Second, take into account the level of dysfunction within the family or between the family and school. There are some situations when having the child present could be detrimental. Examples are when tensions between the family and school are very high, the parents are at odds with one another, some type of litigation is pending, or there is concern about the possibility of violence in the home. In those instances, a family member or the therapist should represent the child’s point of view. After the meeting, you can then have a follow-up discussion with the child in an age-appropriate way.

In some instances, the child might be too vulnerable to cope with a room full of adults talking about him and therefore shouldn’t be present. For example, a child who is severely depressed or anxious may not be able to manage such a gathering. With preparation, however, a vulnerable child may be able to participate in some limited way. Kids who grow up in chaotic families can struggle with this dynamic as well. They may also

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