The Rules of Love: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationships by Templar Richard

Author:Templar, Richard [Templar, Richard]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pearson Education (US)
Published: 2008-11-28T05:00:00+00:00

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IF YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE THE TASK TO YOUR PARTNER, YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM THE RESPONSIBILITY, TOO.

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Rule 51. Be Part of Their Life

I know a couple (well, I knew a couple—they’re not a couple any more) who did everything separately. They occasionally socialized together, but they also had lots of separate friends. He gave up his job to train for a new career, and the training took him away from home a couple of weekends a month. Whenever he was home, she would be away working while he looked after the kids. They hardly saw each other. He didn’t talk about his training course with her, so she didn’t really know what was going on in a large part of his life. Meanwhile he wouldn’t have anything to do with her family because he didn’t get along with them, and he didn’t have time anyway.

Well, you know what happened. She had problems with a family illness and he was no help, because he had no contact with them and didn’t really understand the ramifications. Meanwhile he was getting increasingly involved with all his friends at his new course, none of whom she had met. Inevitably there was a final straw which drove them apart. I suppose the only consolation was that they barely noticed when they split—it didn’t change much. No, that’s not fair, it was a very painful divorce, but you know what I mean.

If you’re not involved in your partner’s life, what are you there for? How can you help them through problems when you don’t know the people involved, or celebrate successes when you don’t understand the background? You can’t just opt out of parts of their life because you’re not interested. In the end, the course of events will opt both of you out of each other’s lives entirely if you do that.

I’m not saying you have to live in each other’s pockets. You can have your own interests and your own friends. In fact it’s not a bad thing to have something to talk to each other about, which can be hard if you spend all your time together. You need to have some contact with as much of each other’s lives as you can. Make sure you meet your partner’s friends from time to time at least, and that you have some involvement with their family.

Separate hobbies and interests are fine, but even if you don’t want to get involved while your partner rebuilds the car from scratch, at least be around to watch them take it out for a run the first time. If you don’t want to try your hand at breeding guinea pigs I quite understand, but at least try to learn their names, and go along to the odd guinea pig show (or whatever it is they do). You’ll both benefit so much from being a part of each other’s lives, so be there for the highs and lows even if you skip some of the bits in the middle.

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