The Rocket Years: How Your Twenties Launch the Rest of Your Life by Elizabeth Segran

Author:Elizabeth Segran [Segran, Elizabeth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780062883568
Amazon: 0062883569
Publisher: Harper
Published: 2020-03-29T23:00:00+00:00

A CHILD-FREE LIFE

I have a distinct memory of Andrew at twenty-five. He looked like some sort of Californian Adonis, with long locks of golden hair that fell around his face. He spent weekends camping or hitting the beach, but he wasn’t your average surfer dude; he was a student at San Francisco Theological Seminary, preparing for a career as a pastor. Most Presbyterian ministers I knew were married with gaggles of kids. But that wasn’t the future Andrew had in mind for himself. He wanted a quiet life, full of reading and long walks. He was perfectly happy never to hear the pitter-patter of little feet in his home.

Andrew and I were crossing the street in Berkeley one evening when he mentioned that he was pretty sure he didn’t want kids. I was twenty-four at the time, and that took me by surprise. I had never met anyone who spoke with such confidence about not wanting to have kids. Soon after our conversation, Andrew met Holly, his future wife, at a wilderness camp where they were both counselors. They bonded over their faith, their mutual enjoyment of nature, and—crucially—their desire to remain childless. Holly loves children. She’s spent most of her career as a teacher. But she’s also seen firsthand how few parents actually give their children the attention they need. So she, like Andrew, decided that she would skip becoming a parent.

Over the last few decades, the number of childless people in American society has fluctuated between about 15 and 20 percent of the population. About 10 percent of people will encounter fertility problems that may prevent them from having children. But a growing number of people are not having children entirely by choice. Economists have found that childlessness has been rising among wealthy and highly educated people, suggesting that people in this category aren’t remaining childless due to lack of resources.27

In a recent study conducted by the New York Times and the market research firm Morning Consult, about 12 percent of 1,858 survey respondents between the ages of twenty and forty-five said they did not want to have children, and 17 percent said they weren’t sure. There were many reasons for wanting to remain childless. About a third said they simply had no desire for children, while a quarter said they were not sure they would be good parents. A full 36 percent said they wanted to have more leisure time. On the other hand, 18 percent wanted to focus on their careers, and 14 percent said they worked too much to handle the demands of having children.28

It’s not easy to commit to a childless life. American society still has fairly traditional views when it comes to family. Sociologists describe children as an important source of “social capital” that helps us deepen our ties to our community. New babies have a way of bringing families closer, as grandparents and siblings show up for celebrations or help babysit.29 And friendship circles often shift as people get married and have children.

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