The Me, Without by Jacqueline Raposo

Author:Jacqueline Raposo
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Dover Publications
Published: 2018-02-14T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 6

CHALLENGE

MULTIPLE CHALLENGE!

CHALLENGE: Multiple Challenge!

TIME LINE: Four days

RULES: All past Challenges at once!

In the past, I’ve started Challenges on Mondays and used any spare days between to plan and regroup. Feeling fiercer of mind, I am no longer cool with that. With four days between major Challenges, I decide to test this sum experiencing-my-experience thing and try all past Challenges at once: no social media, shopping, sugar, (exchanging holiday gifts doesn’t really apply), or negative thought. Their totality will require constant self-vigilance.

I’m ready.

Midday Thursday, a hardcore craving for something sweet pings. I’ve been eating very little sugar since that Challenge ended but haven’t recognized such a specific longing in a while. The designated “cannot” inserts an extra pause of thought in the desirous moment. I satiate with hot spiced tea.

In this new period of social media abstention, I find moments of both frustration and profound freedom. The recent apocalyptic drudge of politics has found me lost once again to this very uncalm technology; with #MarchingWithMe’s reliance on digital advocacy, I’d almost fallen back into mindless scrolling habits. As Multiple Challenge days pass, the break from online life feels increasingly exhilarating.

Why can’t I do this without imposing an official Challenge upon myself?

Why is moderation so much harder than total on or off?

Day Two, I’m not done at my desk until 8:30 p.m. The light outside my window creams together a misty gray-brown like earthenware. The tree branches and iron porch railings that flank the house next door look intensely defined by this light, their pocketed shadows deeply ominous. Across the street, I see some apartment windows glowing orange. Others, pitch black. It’s all very Rear Window, the kind of evening I love to sit and type inside. The kind I observe because I’m awake and aware, without days inviting time for woolgathering without worry.

By Sunday, I come to a decision that feels like a major point of growth: it’s time to buy a new laundry bag. From the No Shopping lessons, I’ve come to better appreciate our time together. But hauling laundry down two flights of stairs, I notice a window-like view of my dirty clothes through the bag’s shreds and laugh. That Challenge ended in October. It’s now February. It’s time.

While my clothes wash, I browse online. I find a durable canvas bag with a bamboo frame for twenty-five dollars. In two days, I’ll have one less physical item in my space requiring overexerted energy.

I update Happy-Home Rebecca. “I think it’s beautiful that you had to wait for it, because it develops an awareness and an appreciation for the fact that some obstacles are not worth letting be obstacles. You’ll become much more aware of things like that in the future,” she says. “I spent a year of my life hating the lock on my front door because it wouldn’t open. It’s been two years since I fixed it, and I still love opening my door. The contrast—because I had to struggle and struggle—is so poignant, and I think there’s really something to take from that.

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