The Man Who Forgot His Wife by John O'Farrell

Author:John O'Farrell
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781409031024
Publisher: Transworld

Chapter 15

‘RIGHT, YEAR ELEVENS, it’s good to be teaching you again. Today we are going to be talking about the causes of the Second World War,’ I predicted a little optimistically. ‘Now, Ms Coney, who I understand was taking you while I was away, has told you all about the Treaty of Versailles, which was of course greatly resented in twenties Germany, but today we are going to ask how extreme politics came out of an extreme economic situation—’

‘Sir! Mr Vaughan, sir?

‘Yes, Tanika?’ I was pleased to demonstrate my apparently effortless grasp of all their names. It had involved much time staring at school photos of spotty faces and committing the matching names to memory. ‘Is this a question about hyperinflation in the Weimar Republic?’

‘Not exactly. Are you a mentalist, sir?’

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘Dean said you’d gone mental in the nut and shit and didn’t know summit or nothin’.’

‘Well, first of all, can you not use that word in my class—’

‘What – “mentalist”?’

‘Well, yes, that one as well actually, but I was thinking of the swear word. And in answer to your question, it is no secret that my absence last term was due to me suffering a very rare neurological condition from which I am rapidly recovering and which in no way affects my abilities to teach you about the fall of the Weimar Republic.’

I pressed a link on the interactive whiteboard and was proud to see it display an image of a one-million-mark banknote.

‘Yeah, but are you off your nut, sir?’

‘No, Tanika, I am not off my nut, as you so charmingly put it.’

‘Are you a loony, though? Do you, like, bark at the moon and shit?’

‘No, but I might be in a minute. Since Tanika insists on referring to my memory loss, it’s worth asking whether it is possible for whole countries to lose their memory as well. That’s why history is so important—’

‘Are you a psycho, though? Are you a nut job, sir?’

‘What exactly a nation chooses to remember or forget comes to define the identity of its people and affect their future choices. And I would suggest, for example, that we in Britain opt to remember too much about the parts of the Second World War that we are comfortable with, and we prefer to forget about all the colonial wars of conquest that weren’t a million miles from what Hitler was attempting.’

This point seemed to have made them think, and a few different hands went up.

‘Yes – Dean?’

‘But are you a mentalist, sir?’

‘Do you think you’re the Messiah, sir? Are you going on a shooting spree in McDonald’s?’

‘Could we concentrate on the lesson plan, please. Now, the failure of democracy in Germany to deliver economic security increased the attraction of a traditional militaristic leader—’

‘Did you find them, sir?’

‘Did I find what?’

‘Your marbles, sir. Oh no – have you still not found them?’

‘Do you want some fruitcake, sir? It’s really nutty …’

‘Do you foam at the mouth, sir? Are you afraid of water?’

‘LOOK!’ I finally snapped.

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