The Man Bible: A Survival Guide: a Slater Brothers companion by L.A. Casey

Author:L.A. Casey [Casey, L.A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-912223-04-6

Chapter Seven

WHEN SHE’S MAD … BUT NOT MAD MAD

* * *

Trust me when I say that there is a difference between a woman being mad, and her being mad mad.

When she is simply mad, she is sitting pretty in a realm of annoyance and frustration, but when she is mad mad, that realm switches up to her thinking murderous thoughts and forming plans to act on them. Your sole job during this period of time is to keep your lady from reaching the terrifying territory of mad mad. I don’t give a flying fuck what you have to do to keep her from levelling up and Hulk smashing you into next year, you do it, and you do it with a big ass smile on your face--especially you, Alec. You have to try harder than the rest of us because you’re harder to live with. No shade, bro, just facts.

This is all easier said than done. Trust me, I know, but God wouldn’t have put us on this Earth if he didn’t think we were up to the challenge ... unless he just wanted to see us suffer unnecessarily, that is. For my sanity’s sake, I’m choosing to believe the former.

—This is not the time for any fuck ups, be calm, collected and you just might survive—

I’ve learned from past traumatic experiences that you don’t want to ask what is wrong with your woman once you have confirmed she is mad, this will push her to the mad mad stage instantly. We do not, under any circumstances, want that to happen. We want to defuse unwanted tension, and allow a veil of calm to fall upon the house. In order for this to happen, you have to be on your toes with plays, and back-up plays, secured within your arsenal. Plays that can be called upon at a moment’s notice. If she says jump, you say how high? If she says up is down, then bitch, up is now fucking down. Don’t question anything she does, no matter how stupid and ridiculous you think it is.

One thing I’ve found that always transfers your woman’s anger from you to someone else is to bring up a person you know that they hate. Just casually slide that shit into conversation as innocently as you possibly can. I like to focus on Keela’s cousin Micah because I know Bronagh and her hate one another. I’ll be cooking dinner or helping fold the laundry and randomly mention that I saw Micah in the street on my way home from work arguing with an elderly lady over a parking spot (a complete and utter white lie) and boom, the topic of discussion is now about how much of a raging bitch Micah is, while I’m now chilling in the land of the free.

You know your lady better than anyone so use what you know to distract her and use that shit against her. You’re probably breaking a wedding vow somewhere along the line, but look, she’ll feel better after a good bitching session, and you won’t be yelled at.

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