The Happy Empath: A Survival Guide For Highly Sensitive People by Christine Rose Elle

Author:Christine Rose Elle [Elle, Christine Rose]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rockridge Press
Published: 2019-09-24T00:00:00+00:00

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Intimate Relationships

In his book Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation, Dr. Daniel J. Siegel delves into the way we form attachments to those around us. Siegel explains that, as a highly sensitive person or empath, your primary relationship has an enormous impact on your emotional health. He lays the groundwork for the foundations of a loving relationship: curiosity, openness, and acceptance. Your ability to bring these qualities to your relationship is informed by the way you related to your caregivers as children. If, when, and how your caregivers soothed you when you were upset helped develop the way you attached to them, and the coping abilities you formed as a result make up your attachment style.

There are four attachment styles:

Anxious/preoccupied. You seek emotional intimacy to a point where you become extremely reliant on the approval of your partner, which can make you doubt your worth.

Dismissive/avoidant. You suppress and bury your feelings as a defense mechanism that presents as emotional independence. You distance yourself from your relationships for fear of rejection.

Disorganized. You simultaneously crave and fear emotional closeness. You don’t trust the intentions of the person you are in a relationship with. Low self-esteem impacts your perception of your partner’s loving gestures, making them seem flawed or weak.

Secure. You connect with others with warmth and confidence. You feel comfortable with both closeness and independence. You enjoy both intimacy and being alone.

When people with different attachment styles form a relationship, conflict can arise. Knowing your attachment style (and your partner’s) can help you understand why you both get stuck in repeating patterns of emotional conflict. Relationships that have a lot of conflict can take a toll on the emotional well-being of an empath. Even low-intensity conflict with your spouse can create emotional unrest. So much of your emotional landscape is affected by your primary relationship. Your partner is the one with whom you share emotional connection, give and receive emotional support, and energetically align to co-regulate your emotions. Relationships are a negotiation and blend of the needs of two people. Recognizing and honoring your needs, as well as the needs of your partner, is an ongoing process that continually fluctuates.

Create a dialogue between you and your loved one during times without conflict so you can develop an understanding of how you both give and receive love. You can then use what you know about your attachment style to practice curiosity, openness, and acceptance with yourself and your partner.

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