The Happy Couple by Naoise Dolan

Author:Naoise Dolan [Dolan, Naoise]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781474613521
Published: 2023-05-24T16:00:00+00:00

UNTITLED 36

Opening

I’ll keep this speech short because [insert some bullshit].

Thank Eoin & Brigid (Bride’s Parents)

Eoin, you don’t give a fuck about Celine. If you’re here today, I’ll be shocked. But my dad’s worse. At least you send birthday cards, are gainfully employed, and have never once insinuated you’ve spent time in the IRA.

Brigid – you’re a lovely woman and I don’t know what to say.

Thank Nora & Frank (Groom’s Family)

Mum, Mam, honestly I say both. All the kids in London said ‘Mum,’ but you and my Irish relatives say ‘Mam’ –

Frank, you’re not here because you’re Frank.

Talk about Celine (Bride)

I’d like everyone to turn and look at the woman sitting next to me.

Or if there’s a piano in the room, she might be over there. Sizing up the keys. Are there eighty-eight of them? Slippery or matte? Other shit, too. It’s not my field.

But I’ll tell you this much: if there’s a viable instrument nearby then we’re all dead to Celine, and she’ll absolutely not be at the table while I’m giving this speech. She’ll be sniffing out the piano like some saucy potential mate.

And maybe she’ll need one.

Maybe I’ll leave.

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