The Girls Club by Sally Bellerose

Author:Sally Bellerose [Bellerose, Sally]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Lesbian, Fiction, Lesbians, Literary, Coming Out (Sexual Orientation), Historical, Coming of Age
ISBN: 9781612940205
Google: ski7NwYUPZYC
Amazon: 1932859780
Publisher: Bywater Books
Published: 2011-09-13T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

“Never fuck a man you’re breaking up with unless he’s wearing a rubber.” Marie blows this sisterly advice through the phone lines with the exhaled smoke from the cigarette she just lit. “When was your last period?”

It’s been three weeks since I slept with Joe. I think it’s been two weeks since my period should have started. I stand at the kitchen sink in my terry cloth bathrobe, holding the phone with my shoulder, shaking salt on the counter. Her tone, so rat project, and her logic, so right, pisses me off. “I thought Eddie doesn’t allow you to smoke.” I make tiny piles of salt with my baby finger. It’s seven a.m. on Saturday. I’m lucky Marie’s talking to me at all at this hour.

“Allow?” She barks out a laugh. “We’re talking about Joe. He sleeping with anyone else?” She takes a drag that sounds like she’s inhaling through a ten-foot straw.

“Doubtful.” I push all the little piles of salt into one big pile.

“Ask him. You’re a big girl. Take control.”

“Like you’ve got such a good handle on your own life.”

“I took control at fourteen, too young, too stupid,” she says philosophically. “Mom should have locked me in the basement. You got the opposite problem. You just let things happen to you. Joe wouldn’t be the first man to cheat on his girlfriend with his wife.”

I sweep the mound of salt into the sink. “Why did I call you?”

“For a reality check,” she answers matter-of-factly, using one of Renee’s favorite terms. “You’ve had it easy. Joe’s a good guy. If you don’t want him, don’t fuck him.” The edge is back in her voice. “By the way, if it wasn’t for Eddie, Donny wouldn’t have a decent pair of sneakers and the rent wouldn’t have gotten paid last month. You already got one kid. You end up pregnant and without Joe, your dreams of a starched white uniform and a house in Northampton are shot.” She exhales loudly.

“Just because you ended up on welfare, stealing milk from the station where you pump gas illegally, doesn’t mean that I’m going to.”

The phone slams in my ear.

The plain truth of what she said rings in my head. I don’t want another child; don’t want to feed it, don’t want to grocery shop for it, don’t want to clothe it, care for it, or get up at night for it. I don’t want to love it; but mostly I don’t want to be poor, and mess up nursing school for it. If I end up pregnant a second time, I am out of control. I wish Renee had been home when I called. I bite my thumbnail and stare out the window.

“What’sa matter, Mommy?” Sammy, sleepy-eyed, pads toward me on his footed pajamas. “Who were you talking to?”

“Mommy was on the phone with Auntie Marie. Did I wake you up? Come here, honey.” I kneel and hug Sammy. “You want pancakes ?”

“Am I going to be late for school?” His face is tight with anxiety.

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