The Elephant in the Boardroom by Edgar Papke

Author:Edgar Papke
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Career Press
Published: 2015-04-19T04:00:00+00:00

Experiences, Feedback, and Beliefs

Throughout your life you naturally create the person you want to be. You inherently strive to live up to your ideal self-image, which you continuously shape and refine. The closer you move toward the ideal self, the better and more content you feel. The greater the gap between your real self and your ideal self, the less secure and confident you are, the greater your dissatisfaction. You think to yourself, “I should be doing this differently” or evaluate what you’ve done with “I should have…” statements, thinking that you are failing to live up to your own standards. This reveals an internal conflict because of the gap between what you’re getting and what you want.

You’re always judging yourself and determining whether you’re getting what you want. Throughout your life, from the moment you came into the world, you have ongoing experiences that provide you with insight and feedback that become a part of your self-concept. Because conflict is central to your experiences, the moments in which you underwent more intense conflict—and because of the emotions that accompany them—become the key sources of feedback that form your core beliefs.

Your beliefs about how smart, lovable, competent, important, brave, or weak you are reflect the judgments you are making about yourself. One of the great fallacies is the one that states, “I can be nonjudgmental.” When you make this comment, it is evident that you’re already judging yourself. It’s natural to judge, to be critical of our own actions. Further, I would suggest that the ability to recognize when you are judging yourself is a powerful aspect of self-awareness. When you’re judging, it’s a sign that you’re determining whether or not you are living up to your ideals. Doing so can provide you with powerful insights about yourself and connect you to the sources of your emotion.

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