23:27 by H. L. Roberts

Author:H. L. Roberts [Roberts, H. L.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: teen fiction, drama, Suicide Awareness, Intense, mature young adult, Band Fiction, Suicide Prevention, Contemporary, suspense, Thriller
Publisher: Cadava Publishing
Published: 2017-11-23T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter 16

Alec

THE DAYS AFTER LILITH went into treatment were long, dull, and boring. I tried to find things to do to keep my mind off her, but nothing worked. Worry seeped through me, eating away at me and I felt like I was on my way to crazy town. I pictured different scenarios, some where doctors failed her and she ended up dead and others where they fixed her and she came back to me as her old self. And then I’d think they’d locked her in a room just to get paid while they did absolutely nothing.

What if she wouldn’t eat? What if she didn’t get the medication she needed. What if they kept her away from any human contact and she went crazy? So many things could go wrong and I couldn’t do anything about it.

Deep down I knew none of my fake scenarios were true, but in my heart, I couldn’t help but worry. I’d always felt like it was my job to look after her, even after she broke up with me. Sometimes we didn’t speak. Hell, sometimes we didn’t have much of a relationship at all, but I could still check on her and see her. Even if we didn’t say two words to each other.

And those thoughts led to my first mistake: not letting her know I was there with actual words. There were many more, too. My mind wouldn’t let me forget any of them. I could have kept our friendship strong, then she would have known I was there for her. I could have opened up the lines of communication, reached out to her to tell her if she needed anything I’d be waiting. Some might call me whipped, but I didn’t care what they thought. I only cared what Lilith thought.

I wouldn’t lie to myself, or anyone for that matter, and say I’d been a decent person the last two years because I hadn’t. I had said and done a lot of things I wished I hadn't, but those things had masked most of the pain. I wanted to show the world I was okay on the outside, though on the inside I was already gone. My heart had wilted, but I didn't want people to know. To have to watch me suffer. Of course, I had no idea there were so many people in the world who’d enjoy the show. Maybe if I had, I’d have let them see my whole downward spiral into oblivion.

Instead, I hid it, and I hid it well. I drowned myself in parties, nightclubs, alcohol and women. I kept it quiet and under wraps because I didn’t need the media to catch ahold of it. Every now and then they would catch me, and when they did, Jase always covered for me. I hadn't realized then how he must have pitied me, doing it out of guilt. I get it now. And I despise it.

It was so hard not to take my anger, my frustration out on him.

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