The Drazen World: Purgatory (Kindle Worlds Novella) by Eva LeNoir

Author:Eva LeNoir [LeNoir, Eva]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kindle Worlds
Published: 2017-07-09T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 10

Hunter had stopped by after I'd woken from a restless sleep. He'd come to tell me about his meeting with our resident PA and that he would be back shortly thereafter. Leaving me with a heart-stopping grin, he had winked at me just as the door fully separated us from view. My sigh at his boyish gesture had been worthy of a Sweet Valley High chapter.

Perched upon the bed, I absently stared at the gray wall facing me, thinking of everything yet nothing in particular. I was desperately searching for notes, for music to fill the empty spaces of my head but I heard nothing. I felt nothing. One of my hands instinctively reached up to my long blonde hair and trapped the strands between my fingers, sliding them to one side over my shoulder, as I had done thousands of times before while living with Monica. I began braiding intricate patterns. Once I reached the ends, I started the process all over again. As they had in the past, these mindless actions help my mind to focus on what needed to be done or said. It was never about creating the perfect braid, but more about occupying my fingers and hands so my thoughts could concentrate on more important details in my life.

Unbraiding my hair, I started over again, seeking insight.

Why was I so unhappy, then?

Was it the obvious death of my parents? I didn't fully accept this reasoning because I knew my darkness had started well before then. Their accident was merely the catalyst that brought the axe down.

Was it my uncontrollable craving for perfection? I couldn't reconcile with that notion. Seeking out the most flawless strings of notes should not have been a plight but a sublime journey.

Was it my competitive nature? In music, where my obsession for being discovered ruled over a large portion of my days. In my role as a twin, where being unique seemed unattainable. In friendship, where my jealousy for Monica grew exponentially with every note that she sang to the crowds drawn to her like sailors to a pin-up goddess.

As my fingers twisted the last available strands, the terrifying thought that every single one of my "quirks" were, in the end, my downfall. I did nothing in half-measures. I did everything with my entire being, even on that fateful night when instead of kicking my feet up to reach the surface of the water, I let the abyss drag me down. I kept my eyes open and watched the lights fade as my body slowly fell to the bottom of the ocean. Of course, the alcohol had been to blame for my initial desire to actually jump off the pier but my inability to kick my feet upward was my very soul giving up. I knew it then and it was blaringly clear as I sat there introspecting just as Hunter had asked me to do.

I was to blame.

I was a sinner.

I had no business being in Heaven, committing suicide was a guaranteed way of getting a one-way ticket to Satan's lair.

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