The Critical List by John Wenke

Author:John Wenke [Wenke, John]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Regal House Publishing
Published: 2019-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

The Jolly Season

“You dropped this,” a woman bellowed.

Joe Cantwell turned. Her green babushka covered a nest of metal curlers. Her fat smiling face was a shade lighter than her red plaid hunting jacket. She handed him a list.

“Thanks.” He stuffed it inside his brown Harris Tweed overcoat. “This is my list. I don’t want to lose my list.”

“At least you made one,” she whooped, backing through the other line of customers. “That’s why I’m here. I never make ’em. Twenty shopping trips and I still haven’t gotten tinsel!”

For two months now, the list had been Molly Cantwell’s focus when assigning Joe his share of the shopping. Since this was Joe’s first Christmas “out,” it was best, she explained, that they develop a system for handling present and future Christmases. The list was symmetrical—two divorced parents shopping for an un-divorced set of twins. Not only did the list make chaos imitate order, it was extremely flexible, continually subject to change. At first, Molly had insisted that Joe pick up the Mad Scientist Dissect-an-Alien Kit for Scott and the Funwich Sandwich Factory for Zelda. Two days later, she decided she didn’t want Scott sawing into rubberized alien hide, yanking out and reinserting internal organs. She was afraid he’d graduate from carving aliens to slashing cats. He had already started jabbing their tabby with sharpened sticks. Nor was it a good idea to encourage the already chubby Zelda to explore creative, high caloric innovations in sandwich design.

With a simple flick, Molly scratched out the offending entries. She substituted pre-school superblocks for Scott and for Zelda she added Ken and Barbie dolls. In the margin, Molly noted specific ensembles: cowboy and cowgirl, doctor and nurse, fireman and starlet. She marked a double asterisk next to the astronaut Ken and Barbie costumes. Each outfit, she said, cost $17.99—a little high on the scale of things, Joe figured, but what the hell. It didn’t matter if doll clothes cost slightly more than a set of plain white T-shirts and slightly less than a pair of colorful bikini briefs. Joe was loaded. Money was not one of his problems.

Making and revising the list was Joe’s admission ticket. Coming up the walk to his former home, he’d take it out, look it over, and rub his chin. With Molly peeping through the curtains, he’d play the “good father” playing Santa Claus. When he stood at the door, list in hand, forehead ribbed, Molly had to let him in. There was always something to subtract, something better to add—a potentially dangerous toy, a cute gadget. The list was nothing short of a paper bridge from one way of life to the next.

During the divorce proceedings—through their respective lawyers—Joe and Molly had exchanged lists of demands as frequently as some teenagers surrender hearts. It even seemed the Christmas list was making it easier for Molly to like him again. That prospect—that Molly might like him again—had inspired him to draw up and give her a list of his own invention.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.