The Coward's Guide to Conflict by Tim Ursiny Ursiny

Author:Tim Ursiny Ursiny
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Published: 2014-03-10T16:00:00+00:00

How it applies

In Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, authors Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton describe the difference between a position and an interest. Simply put, a position is a way to get what you want. An interest is what you really want. In the examples above, everyone is focused on positions rather than interests. In other words, they are only considering one way to get what they want; they are only considering one position. Let’s take each of the examples to examine this process. Please note that I will be providing possible interests for each situation, but we do not really know the true interests. In fact, most of the potential interests that I will be sharing could be positions. Only by talking about the issue with the other person and asking powerful questions can we really distinguish positions from interests. However, let’s look at some possible interests beneath each of the examples.

→ “I’m sick and tired of always coming second in your life. I want a divorce.”

Jim’s wife says she wants a divorce. However, is that truly what she wants? What are some other possible wants? It is quite possible that what she really wants is:

•To feel loved

•To be attended to more than sports

•To feel important

•To feel respected

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