The Country of Marriage by Anthony Giardina

Author:Anthony Giardina [Giardina, Anthony]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-48333-1
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2012-09-05T16:00:00+00:00

THE SECRET LIFE

I

The summer after their second child was born—a boy!—the Augartens found themselves suddenly and—to Theo, anyway—suspiciously popular. Invitations arrived from the Thalers, the Nagles, the Wohls: the cream of society such as existed in their town. “Congratulations on your new baby” would be scribbled somewhere on the cards. They had known these people lightly, marginally before. “What have we done that all of a sudden makes them want us around?” Theo wondered aloud. “All we did was screw without protection.” There were usually a dozen couples at these parties; new decks and porches were lit by citronella candles while, in the backyards, colored lanterns hung from the trees. The scene was arcadian, lush; children playing games at the edge of the light, the Augartens’ shy daughter among them. Previously they had driven past such parties, viewed them from a distance, while their daughter, Leah, sat silent in the backseat, clutching a book. For the child’s sake alone, the invitations were a blessing. And who was he kidding? For his, too. But it was awkward: during the winter, in the middle of Anna’s pregnancy, he had begun an affair—a woman his age, a foolish woman; still, it persisted, and would not go away.

Someone, a friend, had once assured him that every married man had a secret life. This was in the early days of his marriage, when he still clung to his male friends. Now he looked around at the men at these parties and doubted the truth of it. There was something wonderful about these lawyers and therapists and anesthesiologists—big-headed, curly-bearded Jews like himself, mostly, but with chests that thrust outward and heavy, ringing, expansive laughs. They gave in to life; they made a deal and kept it. And he, what did he do? For years he’d denied his wife the second child, this sweet Jacob, sleeping in the Snugli. Not that she’d begged. But caution had been his watchword. Alone, he communed with a second, private self he hoarded and refused to submit to the light. Give completely in to life, and what happened to that precious part of you? It was too much to believe all these others felt the same way. What would happen if he were to shout, as he sometimes wanted to, “I sleep with another woman! Three times a week I plunge into her soft wetness”? Would all the men simply nod and say, “So do we!” and would they then move on to a discussion of the upcoming School Committee election? No, it would mean exclusion for sure. And though that was what he felt anyway, he held back. For his daughter’s sake, his wife’s. He drank and talked and carried on like everyone else.

Theo was an administrator. A Ph.D. in American history, he worked in the office of an HMO serving three counties. He’d come out of school at a time when the demand for historians was low. Now it was better, but he was ensconced, earning a big salary.

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