The Confidence Myth by Helene Lerner

Author:Helene Lerner
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers
Published: 2015-04-17T04:00:00+00:00

Negotiating power parameters

If you’ve made a habit of saying yes a lot, you may find it hard to break the cycle. That’s where power parameters come into play. Being clear to yourself and others about where you stand and what your priorities are can help you speak up even when you’re wary of saying no. Negotiating your power parameters is a way of asserting yourself and establishing your direction and goals.

How career women negotiate their promotions, salaries, benefits, et cetera is a widely studied area. The research shows that negotiating can be a difficult process for women because the consequences of standing up for ourselves can be much harsher than for men.4 Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg calls it “trying to cross a minefield backward in high heels.”5

Research suggests that women may not put themselves out there because both men and women hold female employees to a different standard. It makes sense not to piss off the boss. On the other hand, if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

These inequities are probably not going to change anytime soon, but we can still step up and negotiate powerfully for what we need now. The women interviewed for this book maneuvered around the unique difficulties women face as they advanced. Here are some of their strategies.

The first step in negotiating your power parameters is figuring out what is most important to you. Debbie Storey of AT&T, offered up a great metaphor for how to determine your personal and professional boundaries: “It’s a matter of assessing what you’re juggling at the time,” she explained. “With all the balls you have in the air, which ones are rubber—if you drop them, they will bounce for a while—and which ones are crystal—if they drop, you’ll never get them back. Those you need to set boundaries around.”

Early on in her career, Debbie learned to assert herself when the issue was important: “I was a single mom and my son was four years old. At work, I was the only one around the table who was female. The meetings would run over and I was the one sweating, concerned that my son wouldn’t be picked up in time from school.

“I went to my boss and asked for his help. I let him know I would work overtime as much as needed, but I had to know the days in advance so I could make the necessary arrangements. I also negotiated that I would not be the first person called when emergencies came up on weekends.”

Once you have determined which balls you’re juggling are rubber and which are crystal, think about what you can do to make the situation a win-win, like Debbie did. She needed to negotiate a power parameter around her family commitments, but that didn’t mean she was taking a backseat at work. To make sure her boss saw that, she offered concrete examples of how she could continue to step up at the office, such as working overtime when it could be planned in advance.

Shying away from uncomfortable negotiations that involve taking a stand and setting limits is natural.

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