The Cat & the Crow by Hart S.K

Author:Hart, S.K [Hart, S.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2012-12-02T06:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twelve

Nerin's statement that I was lonely had effected me more than I cared to admit. I had spent a few hours staring at the feathers over my bed, nearly another just drinking in his scent from my pillow. When Denya came in to wake me I shooed him away and continued to try and catch what rest I could until I heard children laughing in the yard of the house next door. Nerin had been absolutely correct, more than I had realized. I wanted my children. And I was certain that they wanted me.

The only problem was Ryosho, and she was a huge obstacle to overcome. She believed that I was responsible for her daughters death. I had been in the house when Yarau had taken her life, had been witness to various signs that she was losing what sanity she had when we had met, and I had done nothing to stop her. Granted, I didn't think she would ever harm herself. Not with so many others around to take her anger out on, at least. I had even mentioned to Ryosho herself that something wasn't right with Yarau a few weeks beforehand, and her response was that I needed to try harder to please my wife, because that was what she had purchased me for. Even that could've perhaps been forgiven if I went about everything carefully, but that letter had brought another issue to Ryosho's attention that I couldn't argue with. I was supposed to be enough for her, and I wasn't.

That hurt, because it was true. Yarau had changed her mind about me shortly after she realized that she would have no other option available to her. She made outrageous demands, hoping that I would fail so that she would have an excuse to be rid of me. To her dismay, I accomplished them all. She asked, I delivered. That was our relationship at its best. Eventually she had grown to realize that, and the ridiculous requests ceased, but the spite remained. Bitterness directed at me for her own poor decision to take a whoring slave as a husband based solely on his appearance. Admittedly, I'm good with appearances; she could've done worse.

To Ryosho, I had failed. And, looking at the situation from her perspective, it seemed that I had. She expected me to be everything her daughter wanted. Instead I was only everything her daughter asked for. She had made Yarau pick a man to ensure that a woman would never stand at her side instead. So, no matter what I did, I would never have been enough. I couldn't change her nature, so I was to blame.

I was going over all of these things for awhile in my bed, staring up at the ceiling as I tried to think of a way to gain some manner of forgiveness. The more I dwelled on it, the more I saw that Ryosho wouldn't give me that. There was no realistic way that I could approach her and walk away on good terms with her again.

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