The Art of Pollination by Martin Flanagan

Author:Martin Flanagan [Martin Flanagan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hardie Grant Books
Published: 2020-07-02T00:00:00+00:00

Then comes a couplet John Betjeman might have written. “Perhaps it was the wine. Perhaps it was Miss Tewson.” Eventually, Stephen Pile asks himself the question, “Why not?”

Jane says Stephen Pile was responsible for the “hysterical brilliance” that followed. Two hundred letters were sent out to stars of the arts and entertainment world. Around fifty accepted. The assembled cast included, among others, comedians Rowan Atkinson, Billy Connolly, Peter Cook, Rik Mayall and Mel Smith, actors Sir Michael Horden and Jenny Agutter, philosopher A.J. Ayer, Rolling Stone Bill Wyman, opera singer Jessye Norman, ballerina Lynn Seymour, writer Gore Vidal, cartoonist Raph Steadman, composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, quiz show host Bamber Gascoigne and professional footballers Simon Stainrod (QPR) and Gary O’Reilly (Brighton).

Nether Wallop is a village in Hampshire with a population, at the time, of 500 people. Its village hall had corrugated iron walls. The Nether Wallop International Arts Festival sought to combine what Pile described as “the cream of the local talent – the vicar’s conjuring act, Miss Daphne Gill’s fine voice and Mrs P. Brown’s show-stopping monologue on how to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear – with the best of international megastars… ”

To quote Stephen Pile: “Trevor Nunn, artistic director of the Royal Shakespeare Company, directed the village pageant, for which every major English playwright sent in a speech. It was performed by Sir Michael Horden, Jenny Agutter, the scouts and the children of Wallop Primary School.” And so it went. Rolling Stone Bill Wyman performed a comedy skit; the first lady of British ballet, Lynn Seymour, choreographed a ballet performed by the First Wallop Brownie Troupe; Bamber Gascoigne chaired a quiz in which a team led by the village undertaker defeated a team led by world famous philosopher A.J. Ayer; jazz singer Marion Montgomery changed in the toilet of the local cricket pavilion to come out singing “What’s A Girl Like Me Doing In A Place Like This?”; Judi Dench recited a history of the local church; Simon Stainrod and Gary O’Reilly refereed a football match between Nether Wallop and Over Wallop…

The whole thing was kept a secret. “We gave a scoop to a woman journalist from a provincial newspaper, The Andover Times. The poor woman went to her editor and he didn’t believe her. The following week they saw it on the front page of The Sunday Times.”

Jane gives me a couple of anecdotes. When The Young Ones played the village hall the locals walked out. “They didn’t know what hit them.” The variety show was performed in what she calls “a hillbilly old tent doubling as a marquee”. She recalls theatre producer Andre Ptaszynski approaching her just as the show was starting and saying, “Jane, you have got insurance, haven’t you?” Of course, she didn’t have insurance; she barely knew what she was doing. Ptaszynski rushed off with his phone. Jane intimates that there is a whole other story to be told about the First Nether Wallop International Arts Show, what might be called Behind the Scenes at Nether Wallop.

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