The Art of Dying by Rob Moll

Author:Rob Moll [Moll, Rob]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: InterVarsity Press
Published: 2010-04-07T00:00:00+00:00

Overcoming Our Apprehensions

As we seek to be present with the dying and care for them in practical ways, we must overcome apprehensions that keep us from actively engaging in the life of the individual. We may fear that a visit itself, or what we might say during it, signals that we think death is near. We fear that acknowledging death’s nearness would be offensive or at least unwelcome to whoever is ill. We may have our own dislike of being in a hospital. We may feel guilty for not visiting a loved one more often when she was healthy. Now that she’s ill we feel awkward about making sudden and frequent visits.

Yet the most important thing to do is to be with someone facing death. It can bring families together, and it can be a healthy reminder that no matter how much we’d rather not think about it, none of us will be around very much longer. And in the end it will help our loved ones die more peacefully; it will help us grieve more easily.[3]

In truth, dying people are often “not so much afraid of death as they are of the process of dying. They fear progressive isolation, and they fear being forced to go it alone.”[4] Being present also means coming to terms with the fact that someone you love is dying. Holding out hope for a person’s recovery can be a way of isolating yourself from him or her.[5] And we may have apprehensions about attending the bedside when death is near, because dying patients often narrow down their circle of relationships due to increasing weariness.

Caring for a dying person presents a range of challenges for the caregiver, but not because each individual task is difficult. As loved ones are able to put to rest their apprehensions, they will be able to engage more fully in loving the dying patient to the very end. We often say “there is nothing left to do” when medical options to cure an illness run out. But there is so much left to be done. As family members we can offer hope—not in extended life but in the goodness, purposefulness and blessedness of life. In addition to volunteering practical help, we can tell stories, sing songs, read Scripture and pray. For “much of what the dying and their families need can be given by non-professionals, caring friends, and churches,” says nurse Arlene Miller. “Meals, notes, funny stories, quiet presence, respite care: all are ways to say, ‘We care.’”[6]

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