The Anxious Hearts Guide: Rising Above Anxious Attachment by Rikki Cloos

Author:Rikki Cloos [Cloos, Rikki]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: AlterEgo Publishing
Published: 2022-01-31T00:00:00+00:00

Repairing the Holes

We’ve only got so much time. But perhaps even more finite than our time is the energy we’ve got to spend. You can have all the time in the world, but with no extra energy to pour into the things that are important to you, time is worthless. So let’s think of your precious energy as gasoline in a giant tank. Now, let’s find the holes. In which areas of your life are you leaking energy?

Your stressors create holes. The people who need more than they give back to you (often referred to online as “energy vampires”) cause massive leaks in your tank. The blind spots in your life cause major energy leaks (bills that you don’t pay on time, responsibilities that you avoid, etc.). You get the idea. Basically, anything that causes stress takes energy to deal with, which steals energy away from you that you could be using to build something great for yourself.

So do you try to fill your tank up when you’re just hemorrhaging energy!? Of course not. First, you must repair the holes. Or at the very least, address them! Here are some more severe drains on your energy:

Working at a job that you hate or one that is very mentally taxing.

Needy family/friends who ask you to do things they could do themselves.

Ex-lovers or old friends whom you help simply to maintain the old connection.

Regularly engaging with people who drain you instead of energizing you.

Avoiding bills/repairs/health issues because they feel scary or overwhelming.

Mindless social media scrolling or binge-watching videos.

Wallowing in self-pity, making excuses, and/or giving in to your anger regularly.

Filling your body with highly processed, sugary, or convenience foods.

Avoiding regular exercise.

Loneliness resulting from neglecting your friendships.

Boredom eating/mindless snacking.

Refusing to set goals for the day/month/year.

Escaping your problems through excessive alcohol/drug/electronics use.

Sure, everyone has vices. And it’s not a sin to indulge every now and then in the occasional sugary treat or awesome new TV show. And without a doubt, “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” and sucks much of the joy out of life. Additionally, not everyone can just quit their job or completely cut off family members/friends who are draining to them. But balance is the key here. All play/indulgence and little work leads to a life where nothing of great importance is created. And allowing unavoidable stressors to take over your life without addressing them or working to balance the bad with the good is also not a recipe for success.

You’ve got to plug some of those holes so that you’ve got lots of extra energy to pursue the things that make your life great. Review that list again. Do any of those seem like things you do regularly? If so, circle them. And get your repair kit out, because they need to be addressed now.

If the list feels overwhelming, maybe just pick one bullet point and resolve to find a way to make a big change to it. Even if it’s just a minor repair, I promise

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