The Anti-Ableist Manifesto by Tiffany Yu

Author:Tiffany Yu [Yu, Tiffany]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Profile
Published: 2024-09-11T20:00:00+00:00

I believe that the art of asking good questions is a practice that needs to be cultivated over time. It’s okay to get things wrong or make mistakes—just don’t let your mistakes guilt or shame you into never asking questions again. Try your best to ask good, respectful questions, but don’t expect perfection. After all, disabled people have our own preferences. If someone doesn’t want to answer your question, respect our boundaries and move on. If someone tells you your question was insensitive, take our feedback and learn from it. One of the best ways to unlearn our assumptions, grow, and tackle ableism together is by continuing to ask those questions and being willing to get things wrong so that we can work together to get things right.9

I often reflect on the fact that even though we’ve put out the invitation to others to ask questions, we’re still not having radically honest conversations around disability as a society. I appreciate this sentiment from disability awareness consultant Andrew Gurza: “Please tell a disabled person if our disability makes you uncomfortable. Honestly, just name it. Kindly. The more we talk about it together, the better equipped we’ll be to burn ableism to the ground.”10 You might be thinking, This is super awkward and uncomfortable! You’re probably right, but we have to start somewhere. When asked how to go about this, Gurza responds, “I often ask people, ‘Does my disability make you uneasy?’ or ‘Is my disability an issue for you?’ And they’ll tell me, ‘Oh, no, it’s fine.’ Only to discover when we really get into what I might need from them that it is uncomfortable.…I would ask, ‘Why are you uncomfortable?’ and ‘Where does that discomfort come from?’”11

Naming the discomfort is a starting point and valuable opportunity to have a more meaningful conversation around disability, where you can reflect on your ableism and learn to be better.12 Yes, hearing that our existence makes someone uncomfortable can hurt our feelings, Gurza says, but knowing that someone feels that way but is staying silent won’t help anyone. There are mixed opinions about this approach, as it puts a greater demand on a disabled person’s emotional labor, but I would love to see more spaces to explore discomfort in a way that doesn’t shame people.13

We can’t address the problem of ableism if no one is talking about it. Here are a few strategies and tips on how to ask better questions:

Ask yourself whether your question is relevant to the current conversation. Is it a natural segue from the other topics, or will it rudely interrupt the conversation? If the person has already raised the topic of disability, that is a good sign that you can continue to talk and express your curiosity. You can also pay close attention to the person you’re speaking to; we might give good contextual clues in our words or behaviors that will tell you whether we’re open to continuing a conversation or changing the topic. Be sensitive, aware, and considerate.

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