The All Trilogy (Complete Digital Edition) by Dirk Vanden

Author:Dirk Vanden [Vanden, Dirk]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: erotic MM, Romance MM
Publisher: loveyoudivine
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

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CHAPTER TEN

The mood passed, of course. Moods always do—bad or good. After driving just a couple of hours, I knew I would have to stop someplace and sleep, or else commit suicide, and possibly murder, there on the highway. I stopped at a little motel about twenty miles north of Santa Barbara. It was right on the ocean, and I went to sleep—and woke up ten hours later—to the sound of waves washing up on a wide sandy beach behind the motel. I drove on up the coast, more slowly now, and stopped at a quiet little restaurant for steak and eggs. Then I drove again. The sun went down over the ocean washing everything with gold, and a lopsided orange moon came up over the low mountains that followed the coast. Around midnight I stopped and climbed down to a moonlit deserted beach where I stripped and went running along the beach, out into the water to dive through a wave, and then back to the beach to run again. I wrote “FUCK THE WORLD” in the sand with the heel of my foot, then spent half an hour zig-zagging around and around the words, dragging my feet, making a sunburst design to make sure my comment would be noticed by somebody.

With the sleep and the food—and the soothing effect of the ocean—I felt much better. It would take several weeks before I could look back at my day and night in Los Angeles without shuddering, but at least I could think about what I had done without wanting to crawl under something and die. I decided it was simply a case of too-much-too-soon, and that, combined with the long suppressed memory of the night Bob changed my life, had frightened me.

As the night became too cold to go running naked, I went back to where I'd left my clothes. In a way, I sincerely regretted leaving Neil as I had. Not only had it been a shitty way to treat a nice guy, but I couldn't help wondering what might have come of our friendship, had it been allowed to develop. Earlier, I had wanted to be angry with him for dragging me up to that party—until I realized that he hadn't done anything out of the ordinary; that was the way he lived. To him, such parties were probably like Sunday afternoon teas were for the Church ladies. The fact that I wasn't quite ready for such things gave me no right to be mad at him.

But I decided against going back to L.A. For the time being at least. I'd saved enough my five years in Gorman to afford a “vacation,” enough to spend a few months just wandering—as I'd told Neil I might do. Then I might feel like going back to see what might happen. I could call Brad Nelson then also. It had been three months already; another few wouldn't hurt anything.

As I put on my shirt, something white fell out of the pocket—the card Judd Carter had given me.

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