Teach Your Children Well by Madeline Levine PhD

Teach Your Children Well by Madeline Levine PhD

Author:Madeline Levine, PhD
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2012-07-31T16:00:00+00:00


A Note on Discussions and Arguments with Teenagers

Teenagers love to argue, and for good reason. It gives them multiple opportunities to sharpen their maturing cognitive skills. Give teens half a reason (or often no reason at all) and they’re ready to engage in verbal battle. Unless all your buttons are being pushed, or if conflict is constant and hateful (a more serious symptom of family problems), try to engage, and even express enjoyment at the process. Don’t yell or “lose it.” Model how adults can take in and consider different points of view. As we’ve seen, by the time children are in high school they are quite capable of seeing and appreciating another’s point of view. This is the underpinning of empathy and ultimately of developing concern about social issues larger than the upcoming dance.

Teenagers also argue as a way of differentiating themselves from their parents. The extent to which you can stay available and involved in these arguments makes it easier for your teen to become his “own person” while remaining connected to you. Teens don’t hate these arguments: parents do. If the topic is controversial and your teen brings it up, he’s probably looking to clarify his feelings and proclaim his independence; shocking you is simply an added bonus. Feel free to ask your teen to clarify why he thinks heroin should be legalized. Or why hooking up is fine. Or why cheating is nothing more than a survival tool. Being curious does not mean endorsement. Listen. Ask questions. Don’t judge quickly. In addition to moving his cognitive skills forward, you will become more familiar with the inner workings of the particular world your teenager inhabits. Your teen learns from these skirmishes, but so do you. It may look messy and ragged from the outside, but arguing is an expectable and healthy part of adolescence. Think of arguing as an alternative and (thankfully) time-limited way of maintaining connection with your teenager.

LEARNING TO MANAGE SEXUALITY



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