Secret Lives of the Civil War by Cormac O'Brien; illustrated by Monika Suteski

Author:Cormac O'Brien; illustrated by Monika Suteski [O'Brien, Cormac]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-59474-747-2
Publisher: Quirk Books
Published: 2014-04-15T04:00:00+00:00

June 3, 1807/1808–December 6, 1889

HIGHEST RANK:

President of the Confederate

States of America

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN:

Gemini

NICKNAMES:

Sphinx of the Confederacy, Banny (used by his wife, Varina)

WORDS TO REMEMBER:

“Never joke with a child or a savage. They will not understand, and you will only destroy their confidence in you.”

Wanted: Chief Executive

Exciting temporary position with excellent chance for long-term employment!

Brand new, ambitious confederation is looking for a bold visionary to fill the job of president. Must be willing to delegate authority, balance the need for assertive executive power in a national crisis with the firm injunction against sacrificing states’ rights, cooperate with an entrenched and protective oligarchy, develop new international relationships and alliances from scratch, prepare to match the challenge of competitors, industrialize a vast agrarian civilization virtually overnight without trespassing on regional autonomies (see “states’ rights” earlier in advert.), and work flexible hours. Applicants should be able to show 10+ years military and/or legislative experience, infinite patience, proof that they are at least 35 years of age, otherworldly self-sacrifice, statesmanlike deportment, and ability to work with others. Some travel req’d. Slaveholder a plus. Position must be filled soon, as war is imminent—interested parties are urged to apply now. Base pay: $25,000*

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