Say it Again by Devin Sloane

Author:Devin Sloane
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Bomb

Sophie

“Carl? I can’t come in.”

His silence on the other end spoke volumes. I rushed to fill the space. “Just for a few days. I promise. I just need time to…” My voice cut out.

“I heard about what happened, Sophie. It sucks. Take a few days to get used to the idea.”

“Thank you.”

“But Sophie, I expect you to come back, okay? The program needs you.”

“I will.”

“And just so you know when I met my wife? I had a one-year-old baby. I don’t know what I would have done if she didn’t see past that to what we could have.”

“It’s not the baby so much as…”

He cut me off as was his way. “I’m not asking for an explanation and I’m not judging. I’m giving a piece of information in case it helps. I’ve never seen Dean so distraught. Not even when he lost his career.”

Distraught.

Tears welled in my eyes at the thought of Dean distraught. I’d been so wrapped up in my own distress I’d barely given a thought to his. ‘What did you think, Sophie? He’d pick her up like a bride and carry her off into the sunset?’

Opening the pantry, I yanked out the flour, sugar, and yeast and set to work mixing and kneading to make sense of the storm raging in my brain.

Part of me thought exactly that. I saw her come in, belly first, and assumed it was the end of us. The whole time we were together, part of me watched and waited for it to fall apart. I suppose it didn’t help that the woman in question just happened to be my polar opposite in every way as well as my childhood monster.

And she was a monster.

A bully.

I’d never been strong enough to stand up to her. Could I stand up to her now? Could I subject myself to her venom and vitriol on a near daily basis for the rest of my life?

I already made my peace with my high school years. At least I thought I did. Now I wasn’t so sure.

All the insecurities I thought I shed reared to the surface when I started dating Dean. Fear of being left out or left behind ballooned to such a size they were bound to burst at some point.

I had to be honest with myself at least. It wasn’t just an assumption that he’d want to be with her.

It was a blast from the past.

Not good enough.

Pimple tits.

Carrot top.

Red Alert. At least this one alerted me to their presence.

Scarecrow.

Matchstick. They liked that one. It incorporated both my stick-thin body and my flaming hair.

Ronnie McDonnie.

Girls pretending to be my friend to get help with their homework then singing the McDonald’s jingle with Kayla when I walked past. I closed my eyes against the memories because it was worse than that.

I didn’t just help with the assignments; I did all of it for them.

Again and again.

When they called me names and teased me, I laughed too.

When they made it clear I wasn’t invited, I made up reasons why I couldn’t go anyway.

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