Save the Assistants by Lilit Marcus

Author:Lilit Marcus
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: General Fiction
Publisher: Hachette Books
Published: 2010-08-06T00:00:00+00:00

It couldn’t hurt to e-mail yourself things from your work in-box every now and again if company policy permits. If there’s a work contact you’ve struck up a friendship with or a document you worked on that you’d like to keep around as a reference the next time you have to write something similar, go ahead and send yourself a copy. You never know when you’ll be stranded away from the office and need something—or, if you quit in a huff and they have security escort you out of the building, you won’t have any luck getting back into your e-mail account.

Learn the art of the fake sick day. Sometimes, you deserve a personal day off—maybe you’re hungover or just exhausted from a bad night’s sleep, maybe your allergies have kicked in and you feel fuzzy-headed but not necessarily sick, or maybe you’re just tired of listening to your boss’s shit and want to spend the day at the spa or the beach. Whatever your reason, playing hooky is an art. Here are a few things you should know so that you don’t end up like “Katie” in the previous horror story:

1. Always call. Some people may feel that e-mail is more impersonal/easier to fake, but a well-timed phone call is always the most convincing way to fake sick. You don’t have to go all Ferris Bueller and come up with some fancy way to make your voice sound strained. Just call as soon as you wake up in the morning so your voice has that natural crackly sound to it, and for bonus points make sure you call while you know your boss isn’t at his or her desk so that you can leave a message. If you e-mail, your boss might think you’re well enough to work from home, and that defeats the point of faking sick.

2. Don’t be too specific. The more convoluted your story is, the faker it sounds. Saying “I have a migraine” or “I have the flu” is plenty. If you start going into extra detail about exactly how much your head hurts or how many times you’ve had to blow your nose this morning, it is (a.) kind of TMI, and (b.) sounds like a lie. (Remember, you’re not a seven-year-old devising a list of symptoms in order to convince Mom to let you stay home from school, you’re an adult. An adult who’s lying about being sick to get out of the adult obligation of working, but an adult nonetheless.) My personal favorite go-to fake disease is food poisoning. It’s quick, it’s random, it lasts only a day (it’s hard to explain how your flu came and went so quickly), everybody has had it before and understands how gross it is, and your boss will be way too icked out to ask follow-up questions. Plus, if he does ask, you can just say you have to go barf.

3. Stay off social networking sites. The easiest way to get totally busted is to

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.