Salvation (Nashville Nights #2) by Robin Covington

Author:Robin Covington [Covington, Robin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Amazon: B00VH4TBQ2
Publisher: Burning Up the Sheets, LLC
Published: 2015-05-10T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter Fifteen

Carlisle

“Dr. Shrieve, you have to tell me what to do.”

“Carlisle, that’s not how it works and you know it,” she says from her usual chair. She’s not dressed in her usual psychiatrist outfit but wearing jeans and a t-shirt from the last Miranda Lambert tour. I guess she doesn’t bother to worry about her clothes when her patient calls after hours for an emergency appointment.

“I’m paying you double your rate and you’re going to play shrink head games with me?”

“Carlisle, I can't make this decision for you. Nobody can.” She puts down the notebooks and leans her arms on her elbows. “It is your body and your future and you are the one who has to live with the consequences. I’m here to help you make the decision for yourself.”

“But, I don't know what I want. My parents want me to have the operation.” I stand and pace the room, unable to sit while my gut is churning like an ice cream machine set on flash freeze. “Mateo wants me to have the operation. Livvy wants me to have the operation. If I make any other choice I let them all down.”

“Okay, let’s walk through your options. You already made the decision to take your life. If you don't have the operation you will have the same outcome. The only difference is that they know and will have to stand by and watch you do it and you will have to witness the impact your death would have on them. Correct?”

I nod and she’s continues.

“If you have the operation, you live. Maybe in a wheelchair, maybe with crutches but you live. You’ll have months of rehab and will need help and we both know how much you hate asking for help. But, you will have your whole like ahead of you to whatever you want. Stay in school. Drop out. Compete again. Move to Tasmania. The possibilities are endless.”

And that is what terrifies me.

“I got used to only having to plan for a short period of time. Time where I could live like I wanted to live,” I whisper, my mouth dry and throat sore.

“Carlisle, can I tell you what I think has you so scared?” I sit and nod at her, my entire focus on the woman I hop can make sense of all the threads tangled in my head. “I never thought I would see you even contemplate changing your mind. Your death, the timing, the way you were going to do it was all under your control. There were very few variables to surprise you.” She takes off her glasses and places them on the table, for the first time in our entire relationship moving to sit next to me on the sofa. “When those people murdered Aaron and your friends they also took your control and that scared you. It would scare anyone. Suddenly, the world you had owned and ordered to your satisfaction was gone and it was at the whim of people you never met.

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