Restless by Michelle Bellon

Author:Michelle Bellon [Bellon, Michelle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Literature & Fiction, Women's Fiction, Contemporary Women, Romance, Contemporary, Romantic Comedy, Contemporary Fiction, Humor
ISBN: 2940157776718
Amazon: B01CKNWQSS
Barnesnoble: B01CKNWQSS
Publisher: Booktrope Editions
Published: 2016-04-06T04:00:00+00:00

***

There is nothing about my previous body and mind that remain. At least that’s how it seems. I feel swollen, like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. My belly is a deflated balloon, saggy and soft. My emotions are all over the place, ricocheting from states of elation to bouts of crying as I experience the overwhelming sensation of feeling so full of love and gratitude for my life and my lovely daughter to fearing that I’m in over my head and can’t possibly fill the responsibility of nurturing this completely dependent being for the rest of my life. I’m too selfish.

Nothing could have prepared me for the mental and emotional state of chaos brought on by motherhood. I’m a mess and know it as I cry hysterically while changing my three-week-old’s third diaper within a three minute time span. Sadie kicks and screams, her round face bright red and angry at my incompetence.

Garrett rushes into Sadie’s nursery. “Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Sliding the tiny diaper under my baby’s soft bottom, I quickly turn my head and wipe my tears with my shoulder. “I suck at this, Garrett.”

“What do you mean? You’ve been doing great.”

Securing the fasteners on both sides of the diaper, I scoff. “Yeah right. Look at me, at us. We’re a mess.”

Gently, he nudges me to the side and takes over the duties then picks her up. “You aren’t a mess. You’re both gorgeous. Now tell me what happened.”

I plop on the bed feeling so heavy with fatigue that I fear standing is no longer something I’m capable of. “I came upstairs to change her because I always change her after she eats. She was wet but when I pulled her diaper off and slid a new one under her, she pooped. And I mean she really filled her pants. Man it was gross! So, I waited until she was done then changed her again. As soon as I got her cleaned up she peed everywhere and I had to clean up everything; the changing table, the outfit she had on, everything.

“Now she’s crying and pissed off, and I don’t blame her. I’d be mad too.” I look at my daughter, stilling fussing in her father’s arms but beginning to settle, her color fading to a normal shade rather than beet-red. My lip quivers and another bout of tears comes on full force. “I don’t think she even likes me.”

Garrett tries to hide a smirk. With Sadie in one arm he reaches out and hugs me with the other, bringing me into the comfort of his embrace. “You’re talking nonsense now, Malea. Of course your daughter likes you. She loves you. I don’t know where this is coming from. You’ve been awesome ever since we came home from the hospital. I’ve never seen such a good mother. I had no idea you were going to be so fantastic.”

I pull back briskly. “What? You just assumed I was going to be a horrible mother?”

He rolls his eyes and sighs.

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