Reconcilable Differences by Dawna Markova

Author:Dawna Markova
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2017-09-05T04:00:00+00:00

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The following stories illustrate how thinking partners of ours learned to reconcile their different ways of understanding in four different situations: giving advice, dealing with time and money, responding to stress, and expressing intimacy. We chose these because they illustrate common issues where misunderstandings can show up.

Reconciling Different Ways of Understanding

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW I CAN HELP YOU”

When Meredith offers advice to her brother, Steve, about how to do his philosophy term paper, he bristles. Since Meredith has four analytic talents and one relational—Mentoring—she naturally wants to help him understand why he is stuck. Steve has all relational talents and resents the way Meredith just jumps in to tell him why he should approach his paper in a more logical way.

Angie helped Meredith map out their differences so she could analyze why it would be most effective to first ask Steve how he feels about his paper. If he feels understood, she can then offer advice and become a resource to him by offering help in creating an analytic structure. If he’s not open to help at that time, she can tell him she is available whenever he needs support. In any case, she could ask him for help with her social life.

Here are the general characteristics of the four languages of understanding as applicable to giving advice. The bullet points in a quadrant will help you recognize when someone is coming from that particular perspective. Knowing this helps you realize what the other person has to offer and deepen your understanding of them.

GIVING ADVICE FROM EACH PERSPECTIVE

ANALYTIC

INNOVATIVE

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