Raising Our Children's Children by Deborah Doucette & Dr. Jeffrey R. LaCure

Author:Deborah Doucette & Dr. Jeffrey R. LaCure [Doucette, Deborah & LaCure, Jeffrey R.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Taylor Trade Publishing
Published: 2014-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

Five

Integrating the Birth Parents

Dear Lord . . .

patch this work. Quilt us

together, feather-stitching piece

by piece our tag-ends of living,

our individual scraps of love.

—Jane Wilson Joyce, “Crazy Quilt”

“Once upon a time, your birth mommy had a baby growing in her tummy (because that’s where babies grow before they’re born, in their mommy’s tummy). And she said to me, ‘You know, I really love this baby, but even though I can do some things really well, like write stories and sing songs, I just don’t know how to take care of a baby.’ So, I said to your birth mommy, ‘Guess what! I really love this baby too, and I do know how to take care of a baby, so when this baby is born, she can be mine!’ And she said, ‘That’s a good idea!’”

My little girl beamed when I told her this story. She called it “my baby story.” We told it at bedtime when we snuggled together, and when I got to the end, I’d say, “And who is that baby?” and she said happily, “Me!”

She was three years old when I put together the facts of her birth in what I hoped would be an age-appropriate and positive way. But it wasn’t the first step I had made to try to integrate her birth parents in a meaningful way into her life. After she was born, I made a concerted effort to welcome her birth father as well into the family. When she was christened at three months of age, I asked the birth father to be godfather. This gave him a role, a position at a time when he felt like the odd man out. From infancy on, he and his family have been a positive and loving part of her life. We encouraged and supported open-ended visitation. In fact, I always say that I consider that the situation we have is a very, very “open adoption.” It is not always easy to accommodate the needs of all the individuals in a large and super-extended family, but I think the end results make the effort well worthwhile. I feel that a child cannot have too much love in her life, and anything we can do to strengthen loving family ties can only be of benefit. We have been fortunate in having a wonderful group of people to work with who all have her best interests at heart. Over the years, we have not always been in total agreement and have suffered some growing pains, but in the end we are—all of us—here for her 100 percent.

Although physically including all the players in her life seemed like the natural and right thing to do, confronting the obligation to explain the facts to her hadn’t surfaced yet; she was only three. Both my older daughters had been living at home with us. Her birth mom was attending the Boston Conservatory of Music, and my other daughter was taking some time to work before entering college. One icy

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.