Power Tools for Women by Joni Daniels

Author:Joni Daniels
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Nonfiction
ISBN: 9781400045419
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2002-02-25T16:00:00+00:00

CALCULATE RISK

Do you find yourself thinking about the worst that can, might, will happen if you end a situation or relationship? This tendency to focus on potential negative aspects and consequences must be built into the human system. And if you spend a lot of time worrying about lousy things that could happen, it makes sense that you would want to avoid them for as long as possible.

What-ifs are worth thinking about, but every blade has two sides. As long as you’re assessing the negative, take an equal turn at doing the same for the positive side of things.

Julia and Lily had been friends for a while. Through career catastrophes and triumphs, personal celebrations and heartbreaks, their relationship had provided each with support and humor. Julia began to notice that something had changed. Lily seemed more self-absorbed than usual. She stopped returning Julia’s phone calls. She made offers to get together but never made specific plans. Julia shrugged it off as just a passing mood.

One day, Julia had spotted Lily walking her dog in the park. Lily acted standoffish, making only fleeting eye contact and mumbling what could be inferred as a greeting as she hurried by. Julia called her a few days later and asked what was going on. Lily told her that she had simply been in a hurry to get home. Julia suggested they get together soon, and Lily agreed that she would call to set a date.

Weeks later, Julia was still waiting for Lily’s call, so she called me instead.

“What should I do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want her to call.”

“Do you think she will?”

“No, I don’t. Something has changed between us. At first I thought it was just a passing mood, but now I don’t think that it’s passing. I think it’s parked! She’s made it pretty clear that she really isn’t interested in our friendship anymore.”

Julia thought for a moment and continued, “But maybe if we could talk . . .”

“It sounds like you’ve suggested getting together, but she isn’t interested.”

“So you’re wondering why I don’t just take the hint and move on?”

“Why aren’t you?” I asked.

“Because we were good friends,” Julia explained.

“Yes, you were. But it doesn’t sound like you’ve been for a while, or are now,” I pointed out.

“I guess I just want her to admit that to me now,” Julia offered.

“Gee—do you think she would? Do you think that would change things between you?”

Julia’s laughter rose through the phone line. “No, she would pass it off, like she’s passed off all of her other behaviors. She would suggest getting together later, and then—”

“Not call!” we said in unison.

“Could be Power Saw time, huh?” Julia admitted.

“What’s the risk you take?” I asked. I could almost hear Julia choosing the blade for the job, as she considered the possibilities. We walked through the calculations:

• What or who is making Julia unhappy and holding her back from moving forward? The change in Lily’s behavior.

• What is she being held back from? Feeling the intimacy and closeness of a friendship she valued.

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