Polish Your Poise with Madame Chic: Lessons in Everyday Elegance by Scott Jennifer L

Author:Scott, Jennifer L. [Scott, Jennifer L.]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2015-10-26T16:00:00+00:00

“Um, like, totally.”

Le sigh. Like and um, two scourges of modern communication. They plague my speech and (especially if you are of generation X or younger) most likely plague yours as well. If you are from Southern California, as I am, there might not be any hope for you (only kidding!). The curse of Valley girl slang has caused many of us to sound like bumbling airheads rather than the poised and intelligent people we are. So what can we do about it?

The first step is to be aware. Do you use “like” in every sentence? When you are not quite sure what to say, do you say “um” instead? Are you in your forties but when you talk still sound as if you’re seventeen? When silence falls on a conversation, do you get anxious and ramp up the “likes” and “ums” even more? If, as I do, you suffer from Valley girl syndrome and pepper your speech with “like” and “um,” ask yourself pourquoi.

Many people feel the need to fill any gaps in the conversation with mindless babble. A little bit of social anxiety might be behind all the “likes,” “ums,” and slang (more on this in a moment) we use. This is all in an attempt to fill the silence. The next time you are in a conversation with someone and the conversation lags, just observe your internal struggle. Why are you uncomfortable with silence? Why do you feel the need to fill the silence with chatter? What would happen if you just let the silence be and stayed there in the moment? Your whole body might be tense. You might feel very uncomfortable, but just ride it out. It’s better to have silence than mindless babble, communicating in a way that isn’t you. Silence also gives you time to reflect on what you are talking about.

I always knew I had a problem here, but the problem was really brought to my attention when I started to shoot and edit my YouTube videos. My goodness! I would drop “like” and “um” as if they were hot beignets! And I didn’t even know I did it! It was only when reviewing the footage later that I noticed my lack of poise in speaking. Thankfully I was able to edit the “likes” and “ums” out of my videos, but we don’t have that option in real time.

Become aware of the way you talk. If you feel nervous and are not sure what to say, it’s better not to say anything than to use the empty filler “um.” The same goes for “like.”

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