Men and Manners by David Coggins

Author:David Coggins
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Abrams
Published: 2018-05-15T04:00:00+00:00

4

Technology

WRITING

TEXTING

PUNCTUATION

OVERSHARING

DISTRACTION

SOCIAL MEDIA

STATIONERY

AT WORK

Writing

Correspondence Course

I’m embarrassed to think how long it’s been since I’ve scrivened a handwritten letter. Long emails that are actually personal: yes. Text threads with close friends and family that I guard zealously: yes, indeed. We lament the demise of writing in ink, but it’s also true that we are surrounded with written communication. At work, with friends, live chat with the telephone operator. Flurries of typed words are part of modern life.

It’s interesting that there doesn’t seem to be much consensus on the form these should take. A busy friend of mine said nothing bothered him more than receiving an email that just said “Thank you.” I finally started using exclamation points after a lifetime aversion. Now if my mom texts me “Ok,” it feels oddly mercurial, possibly even hostile. “Let’s get in spirit, Mom!”

Everybody thinks they’re busy. You may know somebody who’s truly busy and decide somebody else is not, but that person still feels like their life is on the brink of overwhelming them. All of which is to say, much of email and text is about respecting other people’s time. If somebody is not vital to the conversation get them off the text thread. We are haunted by unread messages, phone vibrations, endless notifications. I get nervous seeing friends’ phones with thousands of unread messages. Those red numbers are menacing reminders of an inefficient life.

For one year I unsubscribed from every mass email I received. Every one. From Belgian art galleries, English shoemakers, Tribeca theater groups, Charleston restaurants. It was clarifying. I wanted to get to a point where every email I received was addressed to me by a person I knew. That day will never come, but it was a good exercise. It helped me focus on each message—communication with purpose, directly between people.

Maybe that’s why I dislike Facebook invitations. They feel so impersonal. Of course it’s convenient in some way. But it also quantifies behavior in a way that seems clinical. Are you attending? “Yes,” “No” and “Maybe” just don’t capture the range of social options, especially if they’re public.

Work emails want to be short and during business hours. Try not to email your assistant on the weekend at all (make sure your level of an “emergency” really reaches that threshold). Funny videos may not be as funny as you think and certainly should go to a small group of friends who’ve shared that sort of thing before. You’ll want to find out what the text and email habits are of any new addition to your life, whether it’s your boss or girlfriend.

Communication evolves. Now it feels strange to call somebody without texting them first to make sure they’re free and to give them a warning. Phone calls are for emergencies. My sister called me a few times not long ago. I was frantic. “Is everything all right?” I nearly yelled. “Oh it’s fine.” “Then why didn’t you just text?!” She just wanted to talk. The nerve!

There was a time—not that long ago—when people wrote long, formal emails like letters.

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