People Fuel by John Townsend

Author:John Townsend
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Zondervan
Published: 2019-05-08T00:00:00+00:00

FORGIVENESS

If there is such a thing as a default nutrient, it’s this one. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful and energizing relational nutrients that exist. I have seen forgiveness heal marriages, families, and even businesses. When in doubt, provide and receive forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the cancellation of a debt. It is saying, “You broke it, but I will repair it.” It is saying, “The innocent one pays.” Whether the subject is broken trust, a broken heart, or embezzled funds, it means you “[forgive] each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).

Whether you are providing or receiving this nutrient, you benefit. Receivers as well as givers are better off.

Mark, a client of mine who ran a very successful investment business, had a partner steal more than a million dollars from him. To make matters worse, the partner had been one of his best friends. Mark was understandably devastated by the betrayal.

There are times when people should be accountable to pay the consequences for their behavior. That is what debt repayment, reparations, and prison terms are all about. A bank robber may be truly remorseful, but he still needs to do his time.

There are other times when it is not the best idea to hold the person accountable. That was Mark’s case, because the partner had gone bankrupt and was destitute. It would have taken an impossible amount of time to pay Mark back. Mark could have pushed for a long-term repayment, and he would have been legally justified in this, and sometimes this can be the right thing to do.

However, as Mark and I talked about this many times, he made the decision to just cut his losses, write it off, and forgive the debt. I asked him, “Are you sure about this? You could legitimately work on getting a lien against all his future earnings.”

He said, “I could, but I need to be free of this guy in my head. Every time I think about chasing him down, being with lawyers and judges on the case, and doing this for years, I get tired. I’m better off letting him go, both financially and emotionally.”

The point here is that when we don’t forgive, we run the risk of giving control of our lives to the offender. Psychologists talk about how we tend to obsess about that person, dream about what they have done, think about ways they have hurt us, and transfer our negative feelings about that person onto other relationships. Forgiveness wipes the slate clean so we can move on.

Again, just to be clear, Mark could have held his partner to a payment plan. Physically and emotionally abusive spouses need to experience consequences. Criminals need to be incarcerated. But in any of these cases, the offended party is responsible to cancel the emotional debt. “I will not wait for you to repair my damaged emotions. I will handle that myself. You are off the hook for that. I may not trust you, for trust is earned. But I am no longer going to hold this against you.

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