Peachey Letters by Sandra Peachey

Author:Sandra Peachey
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781908746719
Publisher: Anoma Press

Auntie Angel and Angel in Chief

Letter to the Lost Lover

Dear Lost Love

I waited, not always so patiently for you to come to me... Over years, over tears, over dreams. Tumbling desires, stumbling steps taken falteringly towards you. False starts, then true strides to the man, to the one, to the lover, the faithful friend, the father, the sharer.

You’ve worn different faces, yet the end result was the same... a heart open, a heart broken, first by me and then, squarely, by you. Loving and unloved. True love and passion and comfort and life long togetherness, blessed... But not forever blessed; tested and turned instead.

Why have you not seen me, fully? You saw me, were dazzled, then blinded... Why my lover, why is that my story, what purpose could that possibly serve?

It is not my karma to be left bereft, alone – I was born to love, born to fly. So is that my dichotomy? I cannot love and fly? Why not? I want it all. So it seems my Icarus wings melt and I fall to the sea; I bide my time, build my wings and soar skywards again and again, oh and again. Gliding, coasting, heading for supersonic space and instead falling back down to earth – grave and gravity drawn.

So I left you and left you again and then I decided there could be no more leaving... Leaving was a far greater pain than the stain of staying. So I said I must change and change I did. I did everything to stay and then you turned me away... Once and then again – and I was so wounded, so rejected. So I took me to a nunnery. I stayed out of your path. I travelled to wisdom, I healed, I learned the lore of love. I listened, I prepared... I waited.

Then I started the final journey towards you, slower, waiting, calling you softly, whispering to you as I waited... Composing a symphony of love, writing a lexicon of our life. Then the time for you came closer and I started to glimpse you in odd and twisted guises... trying you, testing you, discarding and ignoring the impure pre-versions of you.

And then it was your time. And you knew me, you heard me and I waited coyly, so sure of the outcome. You had heard my music, came to my clarion call. I knew your face, your words and, as I called you with song, so you spoke to me and wooed me in song too and told me of your love, before you would speak the words, in an avatar.

So I was sure and certain – my call was answered, I knew your love words and heart promises before they were spoken. You breathed love before we cleaved. We wove, we danced, we dived, we planned. We fitted, allosterically locking into each other’s lives.

My life turned on you. I depended on you for the change; we wove a fabric of family and connection, love, praise and cohesion. A ring bound our promises and committed us to our forever future.

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