Pack of Two: The Intricate Bond Between People and Dogs by Knapp Caroline

Author:Knapp, Caroline [Knapp, Caroline]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, pdf
Publisher: Dial Press Trade Paperback
Published: 2010-08-09T16:00:00+00:00

If there were a 12-step program for codependent dog owners, I’d no doubt be a prime candidate, but I’d hardly be the only member. Right there in the church basement with me would be Jonathan, forty-one, owner of a four-year-old basenji named Toby, and a man whose separation anxiety matched mine, step for angst-ridden step. Jonathan barely let the dog out of his sight for an entire year, and it wasn’t unusual for friends to find him at work in his office, the dog curled in his lap. Next to Jonathan would be Elizabeth, thirty-nine, who worries so excessively about the health and safety of her dog, a beagle named Marge, that she falls apart if the dog so much as hiccups. And beside her would be Joan, thirty-four, who’s gone on vacation without Emma, her springer spaniel, only once in three years, and who felt so guilty about that departure that in the days before her trip, she showered the dog with treats—rawhide, marrow bones, an abundance of table scraps. By the time Joan left, Emma looked miserable and lethargic and wouldn’t eat her dinner. Joan assumed she was depressed about her impending departure; in fact, she’d developed some kind of painful gastrointestinal block and had to be rushed from the kennel to the vet while Joan was away.

Take one human struggle, add dog, and stir: recipe for entanglement. Jonathan, executive director of a group of addiction treatment centers in Greater Boston, has a long history of overinvolvement in human relationships, of blurred boundaries and excessive caretaking, and his codependence came out in spades with Toby. “The problem for me was not being able to control what happened when I wasn’t there,” he says. “And for someone who wants to be in control of just about every part of their life, leaving this animal alone, who’s so dependent, was horrible.” The horror was compounded by the circumstances under which Jonathan acquired Toby: he inherited the dog from his lover, Kevin, who died of AIDS, and few emotions can fuel one’s need for control—and one’s fear of losing it—like profound grief. Jonathan’s fear, his need to manage the people and things around him, went into overdrive with Toby, who, much like Lucille, read Jonathan’s anxiety and responded in kind. Toby is a small and delicate dog, with a sleek tan coat and tight curl of a tail, but he could tear through a room in about ten seconds. Same vicious cycle, similar outcome. Jonathan took Toby everywhere—to work, to meetings—and the aspects of his life that couldn’t accommodate the dog more or less ground to a halt; by the end of a year, people at work were taking Jonathan aside and saying, “You know, I’m really not sure it’s appropriate for you to be bringing Toby to this meeting with our major funders.” Jonathan would bring him anyway. Time has eased the struggle (so has a crate), and Jonathan can laugh about it today, but his story is a textbook study of codependence between owner and dog, in all its deflected pain.

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