Over This Backbone by Ya Reeves

Author:Ya Reeves
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ultimo Press
Published: 2023-03-14T00:00:00+00:00

How is he?

Who? I ask into my fourth mug of peppermint tea. The bag is weak, the tea watery. Some of the students are wrapped in their sleeping bags playing cards, some sleep in their tents, others cook an early dinner.

Ben, says James. He rolls his left glute on his drink bottle, arms propped behind him. A rhythmic back and forth in front of the fire beside my feet. Grimaces as the knots knead loose.

Oh. I think he’s fine. He’s obviously not in contact much because he’s at the Farm and we haven’t been spending as much time together recently.

Why not?

I’ve been in the desert for the last few months.

Why?

I got a job as a hiking guide with a conservation property in the Flinders when I wanted to escape my degree in Melbourne. Wasn’t really my jam.

So you broke up?

There was nothing to break up. We were never together.

But you spent every minute that you could together when you were in the city? He tilts his head to one side.

I guess.

Did he make you feel like you were together?

I guess.

James nods, begins rolling on his right buttock.

Did you leave because of that?

This is like some kind of inquisition, I laugh.

You don’t have to answer.

No, it’s good to talk about it, I say quickly, then rest my elbows on my knees. I felt like I’d lost myself. Like I had no capacity to make any of my own decisions or be strong alone. I’d always been so fiercely independent, so it threw me that I couldn’t function. Felt like I’d lost my spark and that he liked me less because of it, which made me more desperate. And he’s so …

Unstable?

I nod.

Charismatic? he adds.

Definitely.

James climbs onto a wooden stool and turns off his stove that had been bubbling by the hearth. He pours himself a mug of chicken noodle soup before pivoting to face the fire.

He has some serious issues, Peta—always has. We’ve been baffled for years by the way he can be so functional and fine with his male friends but so grossly manipulative with women. He’s done it for as long as I’ve known him.

I say, Dani mentioned something about him punching a girl. That he was pretty violent at uni but I didn’t know what to believe.

Mmm. Dani probably saw that.

What kind of things have you seen him do? I ask.

He sighs. Ben likes girls who he can have power over. He’s hot and cold and unpredictable, and he knows how to act like the victim to keep people around. He loves a guilt trip. That’s something we cop as well—saw your post about the party, looked fun, would have been nice to be invited—that kind of thing.

He needs people to need him.

For sure. Having said that, James goes on, it’s not necessarily his fault that his mental health is bad. He’s battling something, and his family haven’t been all that helpful.

I’d never met them, but Ben had painted me the dim picture. His bald, silent, portly father at the head of the table with a sweat cloth balled into his fist, ready to dab at his forehead.

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