Our Landlady by L. Frank Baum--Delphi Classics (Illustrated) by L. Frank Baum

Author:L. Frank Baum [BAUM, L. FRANK]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Parts Edition 60 of 76 by Delphi Classics
Publisher: Delphi Classics (Parts Edition)
Published: 2017-08-10T00:00:00+00:00

She Talks About Railroads and Various Minor Matters

26 July 1890

“I’ve had a great deal to worrit me this week,” said our landlady, nervously, as she put the saucer of fly-poison on the floor for the cat, and set the saucer of milk on the window sill.

“Politics?” queried the colonel, carelessly.

“Not exactly. I’ve ben workin’ on this ‘ere boulevard deal. Ye see if we don’t git a full vote, one that’s unanimosity, we can’t git the railroad, an’ so when I heerd as there was some kickers I thought as I’d go out an’ tackle ‘em. An’ a hard fight I’ve had with ‘em. But I’ve conquered, an’ there won’t be but one vote agin’ that boulevard on election day. There’s one feller that has got Bowels by name but not any by natur’ that still kicks because it’s his constitutional trouble, but nobody minds him anyhow.”

“The town ought to be grateful for your labors,” said Tom.

“That ain’t the p’int. I’m grateful to myself, an’ that settles it. What propity I owns, I owns, an’ I knows which side o’ my bread is buttered. Now, if it hadn’t been fer this here boardin’ house I could a made a heap o’ money this week. First comes a feller an’ says the editor of the Daily Nuthin’ has gone to Big Stone to get rusty, an’ wants me to be the editur wile he’s gone.

“‘How much do I git?’ says I.

“‘Oh,’ says he, ‘the reglar editur gits about one lickin’ a week, a cussin’ about forty times a day, free whiskey from the ‘riginal package houses an’ boards and finds himself.’

“‘Don’t he git no chairmanship of the jimicrat central c’mittee?’ says I.

“‘Hardly ever,’ says he, quotin’ Pinafore.

“‘Then,’ says I, ‘I don’t want the job.’

“Well, he hadn’t no more nor gone, when another feller arrives an’ says:

“‘Ma’am,’ says he, ‘Kernel Puffball is gone ter the editorial meetin’, an’ we’d like yer to edit the Daily Anything.’

“‘I’m afeared I ain’t ekal to it,’ says I.

“‘Well,’ said he, ‘all you need is the New York and Chicago papers to steel from, an’ the ‘cyclopedia an’ dicshunary. Four pounds o’ conceit a day would make the people think as the editur were still to home, but no brains is necessary.’” ‘Brains,’ says I, lookin’ as mad as Billy Paulhamus when he misses a caucus, ‘is all I can furnish, an’ you’ll have to excuse me.’ So, neither the Daily Nuthin’ nor the Daily Anythin’ will git edited, an’ perhaps the people can read ’em without sweatin’.”

“A sad state of affairs,” remarked the doctor, mildly.

“Yes, most as sad as Al. Ward, when he got through wi’ the masons this week. Al. he hankered as much to be a mason as he did fer cushions and stickin’ plaster after he got his degree. They say his shins was all black an’ his back a sight to behold. But they let him five, an’ he’s grateful fer that. He says he’d rather hear Loucks lecture on finance than to do it agin, but, as they never innishiate a feller but once, I guess his misery is over.

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