One in Me I Never Loved by Carla Guelfenbein

Author:Carla Guelfenbein [Guelfenbein, Carla]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Other Press
Published: 2021-12-28T00:00:00+00:00

February 22, 1946

Dearest Kristina,

On Monday we were strolling along Broadway, Leonard and I, and for the first time he recited a poem of his. It was about a farewell. I thought he had found the perfect way to get rid of me. I have always known that from a distance I have a kind of gleam, a brightness that turns out to be just a mirage once you know me. So I have known since the first day that it was only a matter of weeks, days, hours until Leonard realized. The time had come. My childishness and silliness had been exposed. I couldn’t speak. He didn’t say a word either. We kept walking nowhere, through a no-man’s-land that was frail, unsteady, and sad. After a while, looking upset, he asked if I hadn’t liked his poem, if it wasn’t good enough, if I expected more of him. I said no, it wasn’t that. And he kissed me. Our first kiss. When our lips separated, I thought that nothing that happened in my life afterward would mean anything unless a kiss from him was part of it. I realized that kisses were like knowledge. Once they arrive, they stay in you, and you want more. The mind and body do not forget and are insatiable.

It’s been several days since then. We have kissed many more times now, whenever we can. It is a kind of madness.

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