Notice by Heather Lewis

Author:Heather Lewis
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, azw3
Published: 2004-02-20T05:00:00+00:00

Nineteen

This didn’t put her off taking me driving, it only made her choose more carefully where to go. Since public places and someone else’s backyard or field or driveway were out, what she did was take me to her house. I don’t remember how it happened we went there, what her reason was, though I think it had to do with her picking up something to take back to the office.

I went in with her. Edged around the corners of her rooms, not sure where to put myself, whether to follow her or not. This wasn’t conventional, even for us, and so I wasn’t sure of the etiquette. Still, when she went upstairs I went with her, and from there we went into the bedroom.

I wandered around in there. Picked up stuff from the bureau. Looked at the pictures. Just being in there but not quite invited, I felt like the one in charge.

Pretty soon, though, she was saying we should go. I don’t know what she’d been doing or pretending to do. I mean, it wasn’t like she’d found what she came for and so wanted to leave. She seemed hurried and off like the day before – addled – and this made me bolder. It made her easier to get at. So I was the one who lingered. The one who wanted to stay. Or at least acted like it.

I was standing near the bureau and she came up behind me and then was standing beside me. All she did was take my hand, which she’d done enough times before. I was the one who kissed her. Finally kissed her mouth, and the way she gave to this, to me, the way her mouth softened and opened, and the way doing this seemed to calm her, all of this took me aback.

I guess I’d expected her to stop me. I think somewhere I had convinced myself of this – that that’s what she would do. But she didn’t. I mean, look where we were.

Her not stopping me was what I’d been wanting desperately and disorientingly for months. I’d been sure of this – certain that I’d been dreading her refusal, however she’d do it – that this was the fear that kept stopping me.

Now, her letting me – I’m not sure what it did to me. The clear thing was she’d taken over. Whatever had flustered her an instant ago was gone and now I was the one giving way.

I let my mouth go slack and felt her tongue in me instead of the other way around. That started something building in the hollow between my ribs, something unsettled and trembling that took all my wits. And then her hand was there too, first outside my shirt and then underneath it. This stroking did nothing to soothe me.

I wanted just to be kissing her, to stay doing that a lot longer, but with her hand in my shirt, being able to want something that simple was already over.

She kept her hand on my chest, between my breasts, but not really on them.

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