Nothing Makes You Free: Writings by Descendants of Jewish Holocaust Survivors by Melvin Jules Bukiet

Author:Melvin Jules Bukiet [Bukiet, Melvin Jules]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: History, Holocaust
ISBN: 9780393050462
Google: fOwhhVTc6TwC
Publisher: W.W. Norton
Published: 2002-12-15T06:04:54.862510+00:00

from Writing the Book of Esther

BY HENRI RACZYMOV

Translated from the French by Dori Katz

THE PHOTOGRAPH

It’s been decreed: Esther is the “brain” of the family. It’s been decided; let’s not bring it up again. Mathieu and Yanick must do the best they can. It doesn’t matter. Esther is the only one who really counts, that’s the way it is. It’s in the nature of things. And, besides, the most important thing is to be well adjusted. Too much education, too much reading. Esther is “sick.” It’s settled, let’s not bring it up again. She is “sick.”

At home, the “library” is in the bathroom—basically, three small shelves. Some Communist and Soviet literature, a few Communist and Soviet novels. That’s enough for the time spent going to bathrooms. The music corner is in the living room, next to the record-player: Red Army choruses, Yves Montand, 78-rpm tangos, paso dobles in Yiddish, scratched long-playing albums missing their jackets, all in careless piles.

Esther has her own books, her own records, no one’s allowed to touch them. She is a gifted student. She wants to become a teacher, later on. “Sick” as she is, she will succeed. Gifted, yes. Yet Charles and Fanny don’t brag about her, ever. Something in her remains closed to them, a total lack of understanding, a painful mystery, a punishment from the good Lord. What exactly did they do wrong? They wonder. The war, says Charles, it’s the war’s doing. Nothing can be done.

On the wall of her room Esther has pinned up the photograph of women fighters in the Warsaw Ghetto, young women in rags and wearing caps, lined up, probably facing a firing squad. You can’t see the firing squad. But they are lined up. And it’s the Germans who took this picture. Therefore they must be facing a firing squad. This photograph has always been up on the wall near Esther’s bed. Still there today. No one thought of removing it, or thought of it and didn’t dare. It is fitting that it stay there, after all. The picture is moving. And, besides, this photograph is really Esther. It evokes Esther. It’s a little as if she were still there among them. Charles and Fanny didn’t see the point of removing it, either after their daughter’s marriage or her death.

BORN ON . . . IN . . .

Whenever Mathieu goes to visit his parents, he rushes to his sister’s room without anyone knowing. He stands in front of the photograph. He tries to understand. He concentrates, but his mind grows confused, and it doesn’t take long for his head to feel empty. But he stays in front of the picture as though collecting his thoughts. On Esther’s desk, next to her notebooks and a few books, there sat, until Mathieu snatched it, the cap that Charles and Fanny kept of her, the cap that she bought herself and wore in the streets. She looked ridiculous; it was embarrassing to see her in it. She was trying to look like one of these young women in the picture.

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