Nineteen Claws and a Black Bird by Agustina Bazterrica

Author:Agustina Bazterrica
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scribner
Published: 2023-06-20T00:00:00+00:00

THE DEAD

— For Pilar Bazterrica —

All dead people go to the moon. When a body stiffens and gets cold it’s because it knows that it’s slowly going to turn into steam, like when water is really hot and lots of white steam rises to the ceiling. First it’s the dead person’s finger, then another finger, then their arm, and their head, until their whole body is trapped in some pit on the moon.

Mamá never explained about the dust in the drawer. But I know what it is. Once I went to Uncle Alberto’s house and I ate Aunt Camelia’s dust. Uncle Alberto kept it in a box that my papá said is called an urn. It tasted bad and left a stain. Uncle Alberto told me not to touch the urn, but I didn’t care and I ate the dust in secret. Father Benito told me, and I believe him because he’s a priest and priests are good and don’t lie, that we’re condemned to dust for our sins. He told me that being condemned is like going straight to hell. I think dust is the soul’s filth, that’s why coffins go under the earth, so the sins don’t hurt anybody.

Mamá is on the moon and I miss her. She calls me and says, I want you to come here because the dead scare me. She tells me that they’re all looking at something. Some of them look around, but it’s like they don’t see anything, like their eyes are full of nothing, but others look angry, so angry that Mamá cries and calls me. I miss her. I want to turn into steam, but I’m not dead. Mamá’s voice is so pretty. Sometimes she sings to me.

Yesterday I decided I was going to go to the moon. I’d cut off one of my fingers and bury it in the garden. Then I’d cut off another one, and then my hand, my arm, my head, until my whole body was trapped in a pit on the moon and I could be with Mamá.

Papá hit me. He was looking for the knife to cut the meat and he found it in my room. What’s this doing here? he said. I told him Mamá was yelling and that I had to go to the moon to be with her, but he hit me on my mouth. Shut up, you brat, what are you saying? He left and locked me in my room. Papá is bad. He hit me.

Now he’s watching TV. He turned it on loud, so loud that the words get into my body. They want to cut my veins. They’re bad like Papá. He’s like a big black word that watches you. He’s bad and he scares me. He for sure ate Aunt Camelia’s dust and that’s why he hit me. He for sure had some in secret and that’s why he’s so bad now.

It’s strange that I haven’t cut my body up. I haven’t even cut my head off. It’s because Uncle Alberto and Papá have been home.

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