Napalm in the Heart by Pol Guasch

Author:Pol Guasch
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

MURMUR

Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to be happy. And there are those who say it into the mirror, holding their own gaze, and there are those who perhaps cross their fingers so that nothing bad will happen and pray to ward off all sadness. I couldn’t stop running that over in my mind, like a futile mantra to keep me from putting the bag down on the ground, turning around and going back home. Inside the bag I’d put a pair of socks, the few T-shirts I owned, my dad’s jack knife and a ring my mother had given me when I was young. The green was already far away, the dark green, black green, white fog green and grey green of night turning to dawn, and yellow green of the first light of day beginning to emerge. And I repeated all that to myself, and sometimes there was no need to repeat it because I felt confident like a migrating bird, fearless, with no nostalgia, no grief, nothing, because what the bird does is deeply instinctual, fleeing. And in other moments I had to repeat it again, and I said to myself, ‘Everyone wants to be happy.’ Eventually there was no need, I just acted on a primitive and animal conviction that compelled me to another place, without looking back, with another green to tint it all.

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