My Grandmother’s Shadow by Devorah Shafrir Keret

Author:Devorah Shafrir Keret [Keret, Devorah Shafrir]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-02-04T00:00:00+00:00

Johanna

It seemed to me that I hadn’t been to Riga for ages. The telegram announcing my homecoming arrived on time and I was greeted with joy and abundant love. My room was as I’d left it and made me understand, when I ascribed a soul to it, that there were those who accepted me as though nothing had happened. My life carried on from the point at which they stopped.

Tanny arrived with her happy baby, which brought much joy to our Saturdays. My mother’s concern for that baby shrank my heart and flooded me with guilt. I was afraid to hold Tanny’s baby, I was afraid of my own feelings. My mother used to ask me half-seriously and half-sarcastically “Well, did you enjoy Leipzig? Didn’t you miss your theater after such a long time?” And “When will you be back to the theater?” and “Did you take the exams at the Leipzig Theater?”

The next day I popped over to sweet Diana.

“Johannuchka, you’re back? I’m so happy to see you!” And she gave me a warm hug. “Let me look at you. I can’t believe it! What a beautiful body. How did you do it? Did you actually give birth or was it all a dream?”

I twirled like a model. “What’s new in my arena?” I asked. “There’s actually something new,” she ignored my question and passed the answer to her arena as she showed me her finger. With an engagement ring.

“Who with?”

“Don’t be silly. What kind of question is that? With Bera’le, of course. You know I’m also done with all these wild parties. That’s it, I’ve been domesticated. Bera’le is my one and only.”

“Wonderful. Exciting,” I said and was envious.

“Diana, you will remember that my secret must remain strictly confidential?”

“Johannuchka, what’s up with you? Of course.”

“How did you find out about Kaminski? Did the show really fold?”

“Let’s leave Kaminski to the side for now. First, tell me how you feel. What’s it like giving birth? How is the baby?”

I related everything in detail. Then I questioned her again about Kaminski and the show. “I wonder why Andris didn’t replace us both in our roles, rather than cancelling the entire show.”

Her face grew gravely serious. She sat down by my side and told me with a husky voice a fact that absolutely floored me: “Kaminski’s departure was in all the papers. There was an absolute flood of gossip around here. You’re lucky that your name wasn’t mentioned at all; you were mentioned as one of the people who paid the price for the show being cancelled because of him.”

“How come my mother and sisters never told me about that?”

“That is strange.”

“No, actually it’s not strange at all. I understand. I’m the one who wrote them the telegram about the show getting cancelled because of Kaminski leaving. They realized I knew and didn’t want to hurt me.”

If my life is divided into acts, this was the curtain rising on the third act. I’d left Riga as a woman with hopes of motherhood and a couplehood with my beloved and came back a bitter woman.

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