Mount Silenus by Petronius Jablonski

Author:Petronius Jablonski
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2015-12-06T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty

Between furtive glimpses out of the tent, Cerebus watches Gilbert wipe green goo off his face and hair. “This shit is stickier than Krazy Glue.”

“The Abominable Unau was frenching you.”

“Don’t be an ass. It was puking our burritos.”

“Maybe it was trying to feed you. There could be a special bond, like Fay Wray and King Kong.”

“It better not be sick,” says Gilbert, rubbing his forehead with an undershirt. He examines the fabric, holding it next to the light, and sniffs it. “This reeks like dog breath.”

“Did you see how huge it is?”

“I didn’t notice. I thought it was the size of a puppy. I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason you pelted it with snowballs and bolted. So brave.”

“I wanted to distract it so it would leave you alone and come after me. What was I supposed to do, tackle it?”

“Now what?”

“We know where its cave is.”

“That was like tracking a glacier. It can barely walk. We’re responsible for its condition.”

“I wonder why it was licking you. Was that normal behavior or a side effect of Love Potion Number Eight? You should call Mother Nature’s Bounty and ask Rainstorm.”

“Her name is Sugarblossom.”

“Tell her you tried some and —”

“I had an uncontrollable licking fit. Duhhh is that normal? No way. She’d invite me over.”

“It’s good that you didn’t play dead,” says Cerebus. “Some sloths are scavengers.”

“That’s what I was trying to do. I’m not a good actor. You mean —”

“Yeah, it might have taken a nibble. It probably would have stopped if you screamed.”

“Then all would be forgiven. I was so scared of its claws I couldn’t breathe. Those things must be five feet long. What does a scavenger need hooks for?”

“The modern ones cling to trees and sleep twenty-three hours a day.”

Gilbert guzzles schnapps until he shudders. “That’s ridiculous. What’s the point of being alive if you’re unconscious?”

“If it could talk it would challenge you to defend the virtues of consciousness. You’re approaching this through the wrong door. The question isn’t why we sleep, it’s why we need to be awake.”

“That’s even sillier than most of your horseshit.”

“To catch the sloth we need to think like it,” says Cerebus. “We need to become the sloth. All sorts of organisms did fine for billions of years without consciousness. Why does anything need it? Here you have the biggest land mammal of all time and it’s awake for one hour a day. Doesn’t that make you think?”

“About why I didn’t go to Cancun with Debbie instead of this boondoggle.”

“About what we think is essential, the whole point of life. We assume reality is some TV show for us to watch. It’s the other way around. Consciousness is another gimmick Mother Nature is testing, like a turtle’s shell, spider’s web, or mosquito’s stinger. Thoughts are the latest in a long line of survival devices.”

“Where are you going with this?” says Gilbert. “Sloths sleep a lot. Big deal. Humanity got a sweet freebie. My mind is my second favorite part of me. Nature’s like a goofy aunt who spoils you, and you’re bitching.

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