Mastering Adulthood by Lara E. Fielding

Author:Lara E. Fielding
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2018-12-17T22:17:44+00:00

Let’s Practice: Clarifying Values

In your journal, for each of your values, answer these questions (borrowed from Walser and Westrup 2007): What would it mean for you to live your life currently according to this value? What would it mean for you not to live this value at this point in your life? Even if they don’t seem in conflict, your answers will further clarify why you want to stand for these things in your life and the limitations you might be faced with.

Practicing Acceptance of Limitations

Values themselves are rarely in conflict. It is possible to absolutely highly value many things at one time and pursue those values in varying degrees. Amy’s value of work-life balance could support both her relationship and her financial security values. Maintaining this balance may help her be more engaged at work. And her love of music and creativity may support all of these values.

Sometimes however, our goals within our values will conflict, and so choices must be made about what to prioritize at any given point in our life. Chucking one value completely to the side, as Amy did, creates imbalance. Like the bars on a music equalizer, each slider may be raised or lowered to meet the frequency demands at a given time: the choices we make about which sounds (values) to emphasize and when to create the harmony we manifest. Raising them all at one time, however, will only create chaos and static. As you compose the symphony of your life, you must choose which tones and which instruments will take priority. Moment to moment and day to day, you live the music you create and want to dance to and the life you wish to build.

With every choice, there will be costs and benefits. If you turn left, you will feel the pangs of loss for what was on the right. If you turn right, you will feel the pangs of loss from the left. The following is a simple practice for working with life’s limitations, which can help when you’re faced with this uncomfortable place of caring too much.

Pause. Bring to mind any difficult thoughts and emotions that came up when you practiced the Visualizing Success exercise. Take a moment right now to put this book aside. Either close your eyes or just gaze out into the room where you are sitting. On your in-breath, compassionately say to yourself, “I’m inhaling with awareness.” Honor the feelings of anxiety, frustration, or loss related to this goal. On the out-breath, say, “I’m exhaling with acceptance.” You are accepting that life imposes some limitations in the service of our larger goals and values. Repeat this mantra to yourself several times: “I’m inhaling with awareness. I’m exhaling with acceptance.”

This short practice can help you feel a sense of holding the middle between honoring the loss of what is desired and accepting that life comes with some limitations. This mantra may be helpful for all kinds of small and larger choice points: when you want to

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