Lost Soul by Cindy Pike

Author:Cindy Pike [Pike, Cindy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-10-30T16:00:00+00:00

11 Peeping Kyle’s

Brave by Zayde Wolf

My alarm starts going off, playing a soft gentle tune at first, then gets louder and more upbeat the longer I let it go. I roll to my back away from Kyle and pause for a second before I swipe my finger across my phone face disabling the alarm. Kyle is still sleeping peacefully; I scoot up so my back is resting against the head board and just watch him for a minute. His face loses all the worry lines and tension when he’s like this. I wish I knew how to make things between us better, but he won’t talk to me anytime I try to have any sort of meaningful conversation with him. My therapist says that I need to let him come to me when he’s ready and not push him. Logically I know that’s what I should do, but I know that if he would just talk to me about this, we could work it out, I’ve seen the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention. Letting out a sigh to try and help release some of my own stress about the situation. I carefully get up, so I won’t wake Kyle, and pad on quiet feet into the master bath. I cautiously shut the door before turning on the light. Stripping down, I grab a towel from the rack and turn on the shower, then move to the sink to brush my teeth as the shower water adjusts to my preferred temperature, then discard my pajamas. Once done I move into the shower and wash and condition my hair, letting the warm water dissolve the lingering tension in my body. The warm spray feels good on my tight muscles.

Going over some things I’m supposed to be working on as my ‘homework’ from therapy, I decide to give one of them a shot. Given my past I’ve had trouble being more intimate than anything much farther than kisses with any of the guys. My therapist suggested that I touch my body to get to know it in a safe and positive way. Since all my sexual encounters have been strictly negative, she thinks that doing this by myself might help me to be more comfortable eventually letting the guys and myself take things farther. It’s not that I don’t want to, because I do, it’s just that every time things start to get past more than just kissing, my mind takes me back to my old dingy college apartment and all the things Jason did to me. I lather up my body soap, washing my body, then rinse. Finally gathering the courage to start this exercise, I quickly lather up more soap on my hands and press them against my body.

I feel a bit silly that I’m going to be touching myself. I don’t plan on this being sexual in any way, more of an exploration of my body. I’ve had zero interest to do so, with myself or anyone else, because of what I went through with Jason.

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